In the year 2021, I hit a wall. I have spent the last four months hitting my head against that very wall each day. I became numb.
My personal computer, filled with a ton of video footage never edited and posted, the artwork I have finished sit and collect dust, all waiting for my brain to wake up.
Everywhere I looked, responsibility was calling my name.
Home projects needed to get done. Ten minutes spent working towards being responsible a day would have helped. Logically I know this to be true. Mentally the toll was steep.
Projects that need to be finished would have taken me two days in the past. Two torturous days of working around the house, but this is the way I worked best in the past. This is how I still work best, but now one day of doing tasks will take me a week to recover. Hence why many jobs piled up.
The closer May came, where I am spending one month with my Mom in sweltering Florida, new and more significant walls for me to beat my head against the sheer overwhelming feelings almost did me in.
I received my first chipped tooth. A chip that cut up the side of my tongue in a few hours. One that needed to be fixed before I went to Florida for a month. I had not seen a dentist in forever. I had two days to find one and have them grind my tooth smooth until I return home, and they can fix it properly.
My second Covid shot took four days for my body to recover. I could feel every joint in my body. It hurt to blink. Four days of resting. Four days of nothing getting done. Hubby reinjuring his elbow he just had surgery on didn't help matters.
Three massive projects needed to be finished by May 3, 2021, and I was in no shape to begin.
My mantra became, "I can rest when I get to Mom's."
A gob-ton of determination, pain medication, and no sleep finally saw all three projects completed. I was one sleep away from a plane ride to a month of rest. The wall stood taller in its determination to defeat me. There was no sleep to be had the night before I flew out.
Being dropped off at the airport by my Hubby was bittersweet. Neither one of us are a morning person. The ride to the airport was quiet. My mind was on getting on the plane and a three-hour nap. Hubbies mind was still asleep.
I had read all the requirements for the wearing of masks at airports. The rules are if you want to be in an airport or on an airplane, you will have a mask on covering your mouth and nose. If you do not comply, you will be escorted out of the airport by the police.
I am not used to wearing a face mask because I do not leave the house much. I found myself waiting for over an hour with a facemask on started to cause me anxiety. Not sleeping for over forty-eight hours wasn't helping matters either.
"You JUST need to get on the plane."
Finally, we all boarded the plane. Three short naps, one very sore neck, and a pocket full of medication, and the plane landed. Luggage retrieved, I went outside to breathe the hot, humid air of Florida while pulling my luggage to the nearest smoking section and taking my face mask off.
A call to my mother's friend to picked me up from the airport, and I was home free.
I have spent the last three days wanding around Mom's small home. I am tired but can not sleep. I want to make some artwork, but my concentration lasts all of about 20 minutes. I find myself walking in circles around the house, stopping at each little seating area, of which there are four. My mind a blank.
With all that in mind, tonight, I made myself set up Mom's computer to log onto my Hive account and create a post. Computer ready, I did a few more laps around the small house while ideas flew through my mind but did not stick.
It was time to take back control of my mind. I was going to write a post for Hive. It might be a horrible post. So what? I have written terrible posts before and am still here to tell the tale. Just start writing. What comes out will be posted. You will then sleep and stop walking in small circles around the house.
The End.....for today.
Help someone smile today. It can not hurt you.
Snook
All photos are mine unless otherwise stated.
I can see myself on these slippery slopes of Brain-Fuzz too
It's great to see you here, I have missed you...
Hope Mum's gives you what you need to bounce
Hugs
it must be the season since we are all experiencing it. lol
sounds like we could just set our brains in some formaldehyde for a short little vacation. just a week or so???
then pop it right back in and go back to normal life. LOL
I hope so too!!
I have missed you and your laughter!!
As the end of the day, you didn't write a terrible post afterall, I think you'll basically relax after being jetlagged, I mean as im growing older myself, if find myself recoiling, finding the need to relax and take time to heal, hopefully you'll have that and the best of times at your mum's place hopefully.
It is getting better. A lot of rest has been had over the last few days.
You and I both, on the wall thing. I still have at least one and I'm trying to go through, round/under. I don't know. I want to write. I have stuff to write, it's just not really happening.
Your advice and just doing it? That's what I need to do, and I'm trying with daily posts.
Enjoy your time with your mama and stay well.
PS Hope you get some sleep.
Break it down.....Just start writing like no one is going to read it. Look at what you wrote the next day with new eyes.....but just start by emptying your mind on paper. Easier said than done. I have found, for myself, when something means more to me I start to second guess everything so in the end nothing gets done when it comes to writing what I really want to write.
I will be praying for you to have faith in yourself. We are strong women and know we are capable of anything. Yet. We are still afraid when we put out into the universe words from our souls that we hold dear.
HUGS!
That is exactly it.
There seems to have been a little shift for me in 3D life and if it materialises, it will release a lot. Fingers crossed.
And yes:
I give this advice, too. I should take it, right?
Posted using Dapplr
You should take it, as should I......but are we brave enough to? That is the question. LOLL
fingers and toes crossed with a lot of prayers thrown in that you catch a break!!
Oh my goodness - I'm in Florida right now too.
How I would love to see you 😍
and - also visiting my mom hahaha
and - also struggling beyond belief.
We must have been living the same life the past few months. How are you? Maybe I send you a proper DM to catch up. hehehe i hope you are getting rest my sweet friend. even behind the mask, I see you. and i love you.
Where in Florida? and why are you not here with your Mom visiting me and my Mom?????
Pleaseeeeees! We both need some great laughs!
We leave at 2 am 😔
So sad that I didn't get to see you...but today's dm was amazing
I love you ❤️
Miss you but looking forward to when we see each other again
Will drop in your dm again soon!!
Remember me? I understand my friend. Different things, but understand. Still fighting through a terrible Multiple Sclerosis flare-up. Haven't drove in months. Finally starting to get my legs back... I credit God, and cannabis therapy.
You know I send positive energy and love. Remember "my" mantras...
#thoughtfuldailypost
#tomorrowisthegoal
!LUV @tipu curate !giphy Mantra
Upvoted 👌 (Mana: 65/78) Liquid rewards.
Via Tenor
I pray for you each day. You Sir deserve a pain-free life. You inspire so many with your gentle ways. Never forget many, I included, look up to you and your strength.
HUGE HUGS!
This sounds so familiar. Especially lately. (No fire energy in the sky whatsoever. I've written about it a lot. Again tonight. Miss you, too.)
well, we need that fire back cuz this really sucks. Just saying LOLL
HUGS!
I totally agree with you.
Such a relatable post @snook. Congrats on finishing it and I'm happy to read it, even though I feel bad for you having to go through this. It's good to not only share the good, but also the bad. We feel less alone in our bad days.
I hope you'll feel better soon and the fog lifts. Mine has been around for a couple of months now and honestly, all we can do is rest and sometimes, write about it, just to get it off our minds :-)
I could not agree more! Thank You so much for your words. They really mean a lot to me!! It helps knowing you are not alone.
I don't think I have ever seen you with a mask! So glad you got everything done and you are safe in Florida... the land of the Free! Enjoy your stay!
I am trying too :D
You've definitely been "up the creek and over the mountain." So much to do, so little energy, not enough time. Hey, I regret to report that I can SO relate! I hope your visit at your mother's house is a time of rest and rejuvenation.
I AM VERY sorry you can relate. I do not wish this feeling on anyone.
Know you are in my prayers that life gets less stressful.
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Thank YOU!
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Oh, dear! I hope things will level-out for you soon and you can get some rest! 💜