A Case Against Perfect Parenting

The Gift Of Imperfection

Truth be told, there isn’t such a thing as perfection to begin with.
Perhaps one of the most misplaced belief in the parenting culture is that parents ought to strive for perfection.
It’s a very common feeling for parents to feel as if they "are not good enough" parents. That they could do more for their children. That they could spend more time with them. And so on and so forth.

Now my question for these parents is the following: To what standards are you not good enough parents?
In today’s modern and digital age, it’s easier than ever to fall into the perfection trap. In fact, in only takes a good scroll or two on your Instagram feed to feel like you aren’t measuring up. And that’s exactly the problem.

People hold themselves up to standards that don’t exist. Because let’s face it. The day to day life of being a parent isn’t as cute as it looks on those too-good-to-be-true pictures where everyone is smiling in synch. In real life, it’s a lucky day if you’ve managed to not lose your cool when no one in the household is on the same wave length as you are.

Perfect Parenting is not of this world.
Good enough Parenting is what parents ought to aim for instead.
Because being a parent is the hardest job one will hold during his lifetime.
And choosing to take part in this life commitment will inevitably bring to the test many parts of your own self. It will bring to the surface all of your colors, all of what you are made of. And the truth is that even then, to the eyes of your own children, you may be different than the type of parent you see yourself as.

I believe that a good enough parent will create for his or her children an environment where love, compassion and kindness are center stage. Where feelings and emotions can be openly discussed about with no judgments.

The truth is that there will never be enough time.
Never enough time to say I love you.
Never enough time to spend it the way we want to.
Never enough time because time is a finite resource.

And so instead of inflicting guilt onto our selves, we ought to remember that what matters in the end is not necessarily to spend every single pocket of time with our children, but to spend time with them that is being used mindfully. By being mindful, we give our children the gift of our full and undisturbed attention. And in an age of constant distraction like the one we live in today, that is of precious value.

Your Children Are Not Your Whole Life

Another prevalent myth in the parenting culture of today is that parents ought to sacrifice everything in their lives for the sake of their children. While it is essential to meet the emotional and physical needs of our children, it should not be looked upon as good or healthy to do every single thing for them, or to say yes to all of their demands.

While this may come from a place of good and loving intentions, it comes with the risk of raising entitled children. To be the best version of yourself, you need time to work on yourself. And so it is a mistake to believe that parents are better off letting go of their own passions and interests to focus on the ones of their children. Or that they should forgo their me time to give it to their child instead. You can’t pour from an empty cup, can you?

Perhaps the single most important thing that the parenting culture should put a lot of thought into is that the relationship with your spouse should come before the relationship with your children. When your relationship with your partner is thriving, you can only bring the very best to your kids. And unlike the myth of perfect parenting, that’s a goal worth striving for.