Together – But Apart
Upon looking at a problem - we often mistakenly address the symptoms rather than the true source of the issue. While romantic relationships can fail for a multitude of reasons, if you were to examine the partnership and take off each layer after layer, you’d come to see a common ground of all broken marriages: emotional disconnection.
As human beings, we have an inherent need to be connected to others. Without this sense of belonging, life doesn’t hold much meaning. In romantic relationships, we are as vulnerable as we can be. We put our trust and love on this one person - and hope that day after day, they will do the same, and keep on choosing us too. When we sense that our love isn’t being reciprocated, our internal alarm goes off. Suddenly, our sense of safety feels jeopardized. Fear sets in. We want our comfort back. Reassurance that we are cared for. Yet we are incapable of voicing these normal concerns. Worse - we rarely acknowledge that all of this is happening.
And so we resort to going back to the all too familiar pattern of exchanging back and forth this ticking bomb between our partner and ourselves. If left each time un repaired - these moments can gradually erode all connection there is between two partners. Yet it is a shame because beneath the arguments and the fighting, there is one thing that both partners desperately long for - that is the desire to feel that they matter. That they are worthy of your love. That they can count on you.
Yet we keep on fighting and fighting, pulling onto each other’s masks, bringing back old wounds - and engaging in all sorts of destructive behaviors - and we completely miss the fact that this isn’t about “You forgot to do the dishes yet again”, but it’s rather about “Do you love me?” ”Do I matter to you? ” “Can I count on you”? “Will you let me down? “
We may be adults in love, but that does not mean that the child in us no longer needs care and nurturing.
Like children who need love, protection and connection in order to thrive - we, as adults, need the very same things. The degree may be different - but it is a universal need, as humans, to seek emotional attachment. While we may be able to go without it - our partnership can’t. Neglect comes with a high cost. When emotional starvation becomes the norm - the love that once was slowly starts to disintegrate itself. Turning down our partner’s attempt at connecting with us may temporarily satisfy our ego - but with time it ought to cause permanent damage.
It's hard to connect with someone if you're not really into them.
It is funny how humans are creatures of such extreme nature. I was rereading you section on love not being reciprocated. You are completely correct. Our bodies and minds almost kick into the fight or flight mode. We either run further from the problem or we engage it. We usually do both poorly. When we engage it, it is usually like you pointed out with questions and/or accusations or even crazy behaviors. Not know that all we are doing is driving a wedge further.
We also, as humans are social beings. We need other people, not just the person that we are sleeping next to. If we isolate our self or our partner, then we create a single point of failure by which one thing can upset the delicate balance.
I love how you are self-aware of things most people aren't aware of.
You put it so well. It is a delicate balance, and it's a mission to keep that balance afloat.It ain't a good Steemit day so long as the one and only @clivingston005 hasn't commented on my post yet!💜
I have been a little patchy lately with access, been traveling a lot for business and it hasn't left me a lot of free time to read and post. I enjoy engaging in your posts as they are thought provoking and they attack certain ideas that we, as a society, would rather act as if they do not exist. Great work, as always!!!
Wow! This is a huge compliment to me. Thanks so much for saying this to me. 💜✨ my day is made already.
I am curious to know what you do as work.
Well I hold a couple exciting rolls in my company. My main job is as a Business Analyst with our supply chain. My secondary role is with our client security and business resilience and disaster planning. The second one is what I was doing this last week. I had to travel to several of our facilities and conduct audits and mock disasters.
They are not exciting but hopefully they will provide a path to something I am passionate about one day.