“You are free to create your own paradigms instead of simply accepting those presented to you by others.”― Russell Eric Dobda
Some may stand firm on the idea that romance culture is dying, yet others would rather claim that too much emphasis is put on romantic love. I believe that both premises can partially explain the current state of affairs in the love department.
In the modern society, romantic love is looked upon as The Ideal to attain. It is viewed as the golden prize, the security blanket to all of life’s sorrows, the answer to an uncomplete or unfulfilled existence, or put simply, the best part of human existence. Ironically, the current statistics used to display failed unions in our nation portray a rather different story. In fact, half of marriages end in divorce, and that percentage solely takes into account the spouses who are brave enough to choose to call it quits.
Why, then, do we hold on so tightly to the glamorization of romantic love if it fails us? Sooner or later, the shaky foundation of dreamy illusions on which we stand will collapse, and we’ll be left with two choices: either to reconstruct the love narrative we’ve always held for truth for one which fits better our reality, or to instead keep on reproducing the same pattern in the future with someone else. A.k.a closing our eyes to our collective delusion. It isn’t for nothing that remarriages have an even higher rate of dissolution. Never examining our fuckups only leads to more of these same fuckups in the future, only in different circumstances.
What’s more interesting to me about romantic love is the fact that it is placed higher in the hierarchy of relationships than non-romantic relationships. The paradox here is that friends remain "typically" (yes, please don’t get at me here) in our lives for a longer period of time than our lovers do. While this may be a debatable statement, the fact remains that with no other person can we be more hurtful than we can be toward our spouse. We may get the occasional fight with our friends, but they don’t usually compare to the highly emotional ones that we get into with our life partner. While saying such a sentence is incredibly damaging to a romantic partnership, "Why did I marry you? " Surely has been heard more often than "Why did I become friends with you? " Yet, the former still remains the type of relationship most individuals will look for the most throughout their lives.
Another problematic perspective in the playground of romantic partnerships has to do with its duration. Any relationship that does not bring its two partners into their grave holding each other’s hands gets labeled as a so called "failure ". Best choice of metric, isn’t!? This illustrates precisely how deeply attached we seem to be toward final outcomes, even if they do not represent the full picture of an union. However, I do understand that in certain cases, it may be justified to see things that way, such as when a relationship terminates due to a betrayal, or when the decision did not come from a mutual agreement, for instance.
Nonetheless, the evaluation we make of romantic relationships is subject to a load of biases, and surely does not correspond very well with reality as it is today, especially considering that most people will not mate with a single partner for life.
I would say society is a big part of the problem.
You are expected to find one person these days to complete you, and it's so much harder to find friends these days.
Part of why you remain friends with people so long is that you don't expect as much from them.
Perhaps we should change it so that we see partners as someone that's just part of your life, and we may eventually leave behind.
Man that is so true! We place much more and much higher expectations on our lovers than on our friends.
Most people are uncomfortable with the idea of commiting to a love that doesn't last "forever", but it's a paradox considering that most romantic relationships will indeed not last a lifetime.
What can I say, easier to dismiss the truth;) hurts less;) (until reality slaps us in the face;))
You are a great inspirational model, endured so many difficulties by now and still thriving which is great.
This post has been appreciated and featured in daily quality content rewards. Keep up the good work.
Your sweet words made my day !💜💜🌟
Thank you so much! You have no idea how much this means to me xoxo
Why doesn't Buddhism support romantic love?
When I read the title of the video I honestly intended to just check it and not watch it till end but this monk captivated my attention. I have been into spirituality for a few years practicing yoga, meditating, being a vegetarian, reading spiritual books and so on and what I realized is that the human condition doesn't have just one path to fulfillment and enlightenment. There could be an unique one for each of us, but most often we tend to adhere to the most known ones and embrace some sort of dogma. Not against dogmas, but not for me. In regards to the topic of the post I believe that romantic love is so hard to have nowadays because we live too superficial, we too many expectations and distractions and as the monk mentioned we care too much about making us happy instead of making the other. I always thought about the perfect relationship as of a tennis match. One must serve and the other has to catch the ball and both should "have the right" to serve. It's when one is more a taker than a giver when things are falling apart. Haven't had that type of relationship...yet.
"The purpose of relationships on this (spiritual) path has got nothing to do with the 'nesting instinct.'" Kalindi-la Gourasana
And I might add that to be a monk or nun is not only not for everyone, it is neither the authentic path for some seekers nor what serves humanity best at this critical juncture in human evolution.
Thank you for writing this.
What calls my attention about the way you write is that it genuinely feels like you want to try to reach a consensus and understand things. You are empathetic but also assertive, and that is rare.
I wish I could refer to the article more directly, but it stirred up a few things. There are conversations we can't have until things cool down a bit.
Omg! Do you have any idea how much you make my day!?💜
Thank you so much, your comment really made me smile!
Would love to know what it awoke in you:) Take your time to process things. 💛
Hmm...over the years, I have felt more and more guilty for being a man. I understand that we are going through significant changes, and they take time, but it is incredibly lovely to encounter a woman whose default view is: Men are trash.
I guess that is what I felt when I read your words, regardless of what the actual text said.
There is a large part of the story, which is irresponsibly ignored when a person takes the stand that all women are victims, and men are oppressors. But we are not mature enough to have a conversation about personal responsibility. It's all blame.
So, I will keep doing my thing, and when the time comes, I'll speak up.
Wow, nice romantic story. I love it. Thank you so much for this nice story. Keep smiling. Have a nice day.
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💜💜