That's some very sage words and insights that you've shared @ladyrebecca
I have a friend who spent years caring for her father and still refers to him in wonderful terms, yet the guy was a complete asshole. I've always found this attitude damaging and yet there's no way of politely pointing the obvious truth out.
I can't answer for your friend or anyone else but I think that there can be many reasons for this type of behavior. For example, some people may find it too difficult to admit their parents shortcomings. Parents are human and fallible and even the best parents are not perfect so why pretend that they are?
I see others within my own family privately talking to me about my Dad's failings as a father but they would never admit this in public, not even to other members of their spouses family (in-laws) because they would feel embarrassed to admit that Dad has been be an asshole to his family for most of our lives.
Whatever the reasons I choose to take a different path. I feel better for having put this story on the blockchain. My Dad still has a lot of good qualities but he tends to show that side of himself to friends and strangers while those closest to him tend to get the rough end of the stick.
That's just how it is and I've tried to explain this to my Dad numerous times but he just never gets it. My Mum told me that she tried her whole married life to get through to him but that he just can't comprehend it. I've come to terms with that now and I am at peace. I've given it my best attempts and now I'm trying to focus on making his last days as comfortable as I can.
Thanks for reading and commenting. I really appreciate it!