I tried my hardest to be strong but I'm having a hard time.
It's no surprise that life isn't all rainbows and blowjobs but man sometimes life really sucks.. I hate to be a negative Nancy but this is just not my week. It's been one thing after the next thats seeming to go wrong and I just can't seem to catch a break.
I just feel lonely and I really hope things start looking up soon.
I'm not as weak as I feel. I can push through this as hard as it may feel.
I've struggled with anxiety and minor depression for quite sometime and I know that It might not seem like it but trust me I've had my trials and tribulations. About two months ago while I was jobless and really feeling down in the dumps, I was advised by my doctor to go on a small dose of Zoloft. Why I took this advise, I don't know.
What a terrible idea that was.. My body and mind was not happy with this decision.
To make a long story short, I stopped working out, started smoking, gained weight, lost my sex drive and pretty much experienced all the bad side effects you hear about from these drugs. I am very sensitive to what I put in my body but these side effects were very real and unpleasant. The worst part was, that I just felt so far from the guy I know I am. What a terrible feeling this really is let me tell you.
Why share about this here?
Well after all, you are my friends right? I don't come to steemit just for money or luxury. I've made some valuable friendships over the past 6 months. People I look forward to communicating with. Honestly I have a whole new purpose here and I love you guys so much. I need my friends and support now more then ever and I've already started to receive love and guidance from the ones who care about me. I need to be honest with you guys about where I'm at and as a guy with a lot of pride, this is not an easy thing to do. Just send me your love and healing vibes.
I came back to New York to be with my family in this rough time. My mom suffered some serious health problems as well as deal with he stress of my own health. My family is not dealing with all of it very well and it's a very hard time for all of us. I love my family more then anyone and we need to stay strong. I don't know what I'd do without them. My dog was diagnosed with a heart murmur that could potentially end with heart failure. I know this last one sounds silly but it was an extremely disappointing moment. I wrote a song for @kpine in the hopes I would get continued support from him because a few of my friends have him as their number 1 supporter and unfortunately I failed to do so... He gave me his up vote for the one post which was great don't get me wrong but I was really sad finding out I wasn't on his voting system. To some people this may not sound like a big deal but Man it rocked my world amongst everything else.
I decided to STOP taking the medication they put me on because I hated how I was feeling and for the sake of my family and myself, I deserve to be healthy again. Coming off this antidepressant has been a nightmare. I had no idea how shitty it would be to detox off of it and to make matters worse I had begun self medicating last month due to how crappy I felt on this medication. So as I sit here a write this, I feel total misery. My brain chemistry is in shambles and I just wish I was back to normal and my family was healthy again.
Is their a light at the end of the tunnel? Maybe.. But I don't feel it yet. I've never felt this much loneliness and fear. I almost can't bare it but I have to be strong and I know at some point I'll make it through this.
Please to all of my friends.. I'm so sorry for my energy recently and I will get better please just give me your love and support! I will continue to push through and be creative. To all of my friends here, thank you for your love and support! It does not go un-noticed. I love you all and please send me healing vibes <3
I'll be coming around soon. @stellabelle thank you for your continues love and support.
Yours truly, @stevenalexander
I understand how you feel..in life we all have our "market corrections"
Like you said life isn't rainbows and blowjobs (which made me giggle)..
SO just like the market we cant go on an up trend for the rest of our lives. What comes up, must come down. So we correct, we consolidate, and we move on. Now, the choice is yours.. you can either chose to keep going down or you can make the most of this and reverse.
You have so many creative outlets to keep going, express yourself and grow from this.
I hope the best with your mom, its never great to have a family member in bad conditions - just know that everything happens for a reason and you WILL BE OK.
I also really really understand you with the whole upvoting thing, but just know you can accomplish everything you want to here on steemit on your own. Just work hard, and keep doing what you're doing.
Paula! This was such a sweet and amazing message. awww! You are so awesome! Yes chin up keep on going. Good content and being consistent wins out in the long run. :)
Thank you Karen, you've been a great support for the both of us.
Omg can you be my therapist ? Haha like seriously coming over here with that 🔥 advice. Thankyou so much @paolajane that is the greatest thing I’ve read all day. Thankyou. We can do this on our own .. you are right .cant wait to collaborate and meet you and Spence next time I’m in . Let’s make a full blown short film for steemit lol
You will get better. I have no doubts. You'll need to just wallow in the misery, let the drugs seep out and then get back on the train. I wanted to remind you, if you have not realized yet that I have delegated 1000 SP to you, so there is a reason to celebrate. Get well soon.
Stella I did see and I sent you a chat message thanking you earlier. I couldn’t fucking believe It thankyou so much . You have no idea how I lit up when I saw that. You are sunshine for me . I can’t wait until I can help return the love and wealth. THANKYOU ..
it's my belief that creative types, and especially those of us who live based on impulses (def. me too), we have a harder time when things go batshit. I do all kinds of things that are not really that great, and verging on self-abuse, so I do understand this stuff very well. Just don't do anything too drastic, and let's do some kind of interview that you had mentioned to me...I"m in Discord not Steemit chat these days, so maybe consider contacting me there....
I agree . It’s the artists and creators that live with the most pain and impulse. But we have our gifts as well. I would love to make that with you especially now that I’m gaining a following and I have more of an audience. We should wear wigs just because.. if your down.
Hey buddy, sorry about how you're feeling and you are strong because you're opening up about it and that takes courage.
So many today suffer from these feelings. Have you ever looked into taking the natural product niacin or niacinimide?
Please listen to this interview of Dr. Saul by Dr. Mercola regarding its amazing effectiveness. It could be of great help to you.
I take it every day!
Blessings my friend.
Thankyou so much for your love and support @kus-knee.. I've heard about niacin for years but never checked out the effects or took a close look. I'll definitely watch and thanks again for all your endless support! I just made a new post about having friends and how things are looking a little brighter. feel free to take a look. I'll watch this and il be sure to grab bottle of it next time I go out.
Aww Steven! I’ve been thinking about you. Thanks for sharing how you feel, I hope I can be a good friend during your time of need! Please reach out to me anytime ❤️❤️❤️ Sending you lots of love and encouragement right now. Can you feel it??? ☺️😘
Karen thankyou so much . Your constant love and nuturement has been so very noticed and I’m so happy I have you and Cheyne in my life you have no idea. You guys light my fire everyday .
:) aww keep on chugging! :)
I’m here for you bro. I have been in very similar shoes several times over the course of my life. I’m glad that you got off that pill though cuz you know that I’ve been against it from the first time you told me that you had started taking it. Hopefully things aren’t too bad for too much longer! Hang in there man, much love!
I love you bud .. not giving up anytime soon Thankyou for your loyal friendship !
Hey dude, look, i was depressed some years ago, i had everything going against me, i found my safe haven in the gym, it's scientifically proven that working out helps with depression, and it also helps your health, that sh## called Zoloft just messes people up, no one should be allowed to take it, depression is not something you should cure with medication, you should cure it, or at least manage it with life.
I was depressed, found my safe haven in the gym, and now, 5 years later, no matter what, everytime i start getting depressed i go to the gym, i had problems far worse than the ones i had when i was depressed, and i was able to deal with them because of the gym, you should give it a try
Also, don't be depressed because of your dog, my dog had a murmur since birth, he ended up dying 3 years ago because of a brain cancer, so nothing related, they can live a long time with that, just be sure he doesn't run around all crazy, play with him a little but nothing to hard, always keep him hydrated and chose the best dog food ( do a online search, some of the top dogs food are actually shit, they are full of chemicals that give cancer)
PS- Sorry if my english is not the best, i wrote that way to fast
Thankyou so much for your valuable response :) I appreciate that so much. The gym is my favorite place to be actually but unfortunately ever since I took this med I haven’t been going :/
I only use meds as a last case scenario, antibiotics, ibuprofen, painkillers, (ofc i get vacines), people nowadays like to use meds for everything, our body is able to deal with most of the stuff we use meds for
I actually wrote big-ass answer to this comment, but i didn't post it , i'm going to rewrite it and actually post it on my blog in some days, i love this stuff, i'm learning it in veterinary medicine after all
And just to finish this comment, GO BACK TO THE GYM! XD
Warm hugs from the Philippines. I hope you would feel better soon Steven.
Thankyou so much <3 I hope so too. I really appreciate you.
I can relate to this too much! I have been having so many off weeks and it feels like that's all I ever write about BUT this last week hasn't been too bad so things will only go up from here (I hope)! I hope things will get better for you too, I'm sure they will.
Thankyou for your love and support <3 I really hope they look up soon . It just seems like one strike after the next. I’m glad someone can relate ! Look forward to speaking with you soon.
Hey @stevenalexander! Thanks for sharing this.
Please, don't be sorry for how you feel. The people who love you will stick around and support you always.
In a society that too often throw at us unrealistic standards of happiness, trust me when I say that being yourself and acknowledging your pain it's a courageous act.
I just wrote a post about a glimpse of my experience with anxiety and depression, don't know if it can help but if you want to check it out below :)
Looking forward to read more of you. Thanks!
https://steemit.com/selflove/@kimlucy/late-night-thoughts-2-or-how-i-shaped-my-relationship-with-anxiety-and-depression
Hey man, this this is the first time i write yo you since i followed you...
You gotta remember that this rough way it is not your final destination but just the way to accomplish your goals!
We all will be here as one, sending our best energy, for you to recover and keep sharing all that happiness everyday!
I totally understand you my friend. I went through the same kind of feelings these last months. You have all my support, I send you all the love waves I manage to generate! <3
Hey Steven, just found your page and you have a very unique voice. I like it! My only advice would be to get yourself into a positive mental state. Once you make that shift, your life will change and not visa versa. Many people feel that having an easier life will make them happy and positive, but i've found that being positive allows for a happier, easier life. Just try it and see how you go. Hope this helps! Yasmine