Well I have written some bizarre posts in my time here... but...
Even by my standards this was is slightly peculiar but while in the carwash this morning I had a little time to think.
You see, the second you key in the code from the receipt they give you, that's it!
You cannot go anywhere, do anything other than just be.
I don't know if you have ever become so patently aware of your surroundings, your thoughts and the tiny, insignificant space that you occupy in the universe, it can be surreal, disconcerting and very, very uncomfortable.
I suppose it shouldn't be, not for the reasons I mean, anyway.
I think sometimes we keep moving because we feel like something is catching up with us. May be it is our actions, our thoughts or just some consequence we don't particularly want to deal with today... So we keep moving.
Sometimes we know in out heart, in our mind that we should have taken action, made a change, addressed that thing we really don't want to address, so we keep moving.
It is a feeling I can best categorise as one that I have mostly been familiar with in a period of intense grief. I think you may relate, there is an overbearing sadness about to come to bear but there is so much top do.
Maybe a home to clear, a funeral to arrange, words to write, re-write, edit and finalise for a service. Relatives to inform, catch up with, flowers to choose...
You know what I mean?
Many people in these situations chase the next distraction to stop themselves from thinking, feeling, contemplating coming to decisions or pondering what their life looks like moving forward.
I know I spent a little time on the modality of grief there but like I say, I recognise the topic of the post most in that situation.
Back to the present'ish'.
Sitting there in the impotent silence, no distraction, I thought of the decisions I have been running from of late. They are probably not so much of a surprise to those who have read some of my posts since I returned to Hive.
I am definitely in a period of processing, a transitionary phase of my life at the moment. Some around me jokingly refer to it as my 'mid-life-crisis'.
I quickly point out that for this to be my mid life, I would need to live to 102 years of age!!!
SOBERING!
That implies that I am on the 'return journey', the 'downward slope', 'my way back to the stables'. I am sure there are plenty more sanitised, slightly weird euphemisms to cover but I think we are good for the moment, right?
Could that be what is in my mind, I wonder?
Is it not the fact that I fear I cannot achieve the goals I want but that I may run out of time if I do not get to grips with them quickly?
The word quickly burrows it's way in to my 'thinky box' and suddenly I feel slightly more pressure than I did in the first place.
Does thinking ever really lead to anyplace good, I wonder?
The rollers slowly cease turning...
The rollers in my mind cease turning, to a degree...
The world and thus, my life keeps on turning, for now at least...
Isn't that the most any of us can ever really hope for?
TWO things occur to me...
Firstly - Once I return home from my trip next week, I really had better start following through on everything I have promised myself and the universe.
Secondly - The car is still dirty, it looks like if you want something doing, you had better do it yourself...
Now we are trapped behind the bin wagon!
Do I have to do that too???
Thank YOU for taking the time to read my post and if you're one of those amazing people who like to hit the comments section... Then I doubly thank YOU!
Either way I want you to know that you are appreciated!
Keep taking the time to connect with each-other both here and in the 'so-called' real world and try and look after each-other, because as you already know...
I am an incredibly proud member of #TeamUK I love the global community immensely, but it is nice to have a home-team banner to add to my posts. The banner was made by the inimitable RoastMaster General himself @c0ff33a If you are an active UK member and would like to be added to the teamUK community on Discord, just let me know 😎
Any images in my posts are either 'taken by me' or 'created in Canva by me.'