I've worked in hypnotherapy for three years.
Before that, I was a member of cults, occult groups, and what some would call "dangerous sects".
Both those experiences have been massively helpful in my growth. Here's some of the lessons I've learned, and how you can use them to better your life.
People Make Decisions Based on Emotions
Some might say this is common sense.
Yet how many times have you tried to explain something rationally, logically, to another person?
How many of those times have you failed?
Chances are, whenever you failed, you didn't address the emotional aspect. Their relationship with the idea. Their relationship with the consequences of the idea.
Listening to how people talk about certain things can help you pin-point what the problem is, and work with that.
People Lie To Themselves
We all do.
Most of the time we don't even realize it.
Decisions are made before we are conscious of them.
Then we make up excuses for our actions.
Sometimes they're reasonable, sometimes they're not.
Sometimes, when they're unreasonable, we aren't able to integrate what we did with who we think we are (our self-image).
This is the reason why sometimes we do things which later make no sense to us.
This means that if you're able to soothe people emotionally, you'll have a much easier time making friends. And selling.
Anxiety Is A Protective Mechanism
We get anxious when we anticipate that something bad is going to happen.
It's useful. It protects us from bad decisions.
Sometimes it's not useful. When it turns pathological. When it stops us from doing what we know we should.
Confidence is a myth. It doesn't stem from an inflated ego. It doesn't stem from knowing you can deal with a situation (which can be helpful).
Confidence is the lack of anxiety.
It can't be explained very well in words (at least I've never seen it explained well). Because it operates on a completely subconscious (non-verbal, emotional) level.
Conscious Awareness is Secondary
This is a big one.
Emotions drive behaviors. Emotions work on the low, day to day level of life.
They help us act, and keep on going.
The intellect (conscious, neocortical processing) is secondary to that. It's a layer "on top of".
It adjusts and rationalizes actions. It plans. It works on a very abstract level, in comparison. Dissociated from reality as such.
This means that if you're able to make someone feel good about something... they're going to find reasons to feel good about it on their own.
This is also why people get stuck in bouts of depression, melancholy, or sadness.
Your emotional state attracts thoughts which align with it.
Persuasion is Everywhere
It's a powerful idea.
Whether you're talking to your spouse, or your boss, you're exerting influence on them.
If you're talking to your kids, you're passing ideas, feelings, and emotions into their minds.
When you're selling, you're doing the exact same thing.
Teaching, Coaching, Mentoring, Writing, Talking. Any form of communication is, at its very core, persuasion.
Once you realize that, understanding what salespeople, mentors, coaches, and teachers are doing becomes natural.
Your Brain is Hackable
You might not think it is.
But when you take a closer look at neuropsychology, and the way we learn, it becomes obvious.
We learn by association.
"A" stands for the sound we make when we read it.
"Orange" stands for the color we see when we see it.
In the same way, we associate emotions with sensory experiences we have.
For example, imagine someone being stabbed by a killer. They see a puddle of water as it's happening. There's a good chance their brain will develop a phobia of water, if they survive.
In the same way, it's very possible to influence what people feel, by eliciting their emotions and associating them with a stimulus (such as touch, sight, or color).
Tom Vizzini's YouTube channel is a great resource for this kind of thing.
Closing Words
"People will do anything for those who encourage their dreams, justify their failures, allay their fears, confirm their suspicions, and help them throw rocks at their enemies."
-- Blair Warren
There's a lot more to be said about each one of those topics. However, this is only a quick overview.
Just using the general principles outlined here, you're able to both understand people better, and influence people in a positive way.
Building relationships becomes easy. Keeping them becomes easier.
Taking them to the next level still requires a bit of work, but these things make it significantly easier.
If you found this useful, and would like to see more content like this, Upvote, Follow, Resteem.
Sincerely,
Phil
The Copytist
PS. The source for the image is CIA Mori ID 190684.
Can you therapy me for quit smoking? :)
Probably. Depends on context, cause, and other factors.
Anyhow. 4 AM here, off to sleep. Send me an e-mail if you want to talk further. [email protected]
I like your message, "confidence is the lack of anxiety". Following you for more interesting insight 🙂
Sitting in meditation retreats I e seen all of this clearly in myself and you put it into words for me! Spelling is like casting a spell🎣
Yeah, I spent a lot of time studying this, both from academic sources, and such groups - Vipassana is, I think, the best first step.
Vipassana was good for me but others, especially those with mental illness it was tough, very tough. Serious meditation brings out hidden stuff people may not be ready for and don't have the proper support.
If someone has mental illness, they should take proper precautions. It's a topic that very few people are comfortable talking about, and that's a shame.
As far as bringing hidden stuff out... I think you're conflating meditation with therapy.
It's a rather common claim that meditation has these effects.
Yet every single person I know that went through the higher Jhanas eventually dismissed those "revelations" as subconscious delusions.
I think it's a much more complex topic than suitable for comment sections here.
I'll see if I can write a little bit up on this in the future, since it's been a fascination of mine for a longer while.
I served many vipassana retreats through SN Goenkas Meditation centers, people are dumped head first into their mind body sensations, many if not most are very detached from what's really going on in the mind and body and not ready for what may come up. Some go kinda crazy just from boredom, we all are entertained through the media now in days.
All sorts of repressed stuff boils up! The centers try and screen people to make sure they are stable but one never knows what's hiding in the dark corners of the mind until they shine a bright light so they can see. Many can't remember to view all sensation with equanimity, the 4 jhana stabilizes this but again this tradition doesn't focus on the jhanas..
Vipassana has sixteen nanas, the ones I found disconcerting like baya nana, the knowledge of the body as not self and not permanent, I felt as if I was dying but blissful after the fear dissolved. The patisankha nana, which is not much fun, one clearly sees anicca , anatta and especially dukkha are very sharp and distinct, they are after the bhanga nana which is dissolution of the body, there is nothing to focus on, scary but also very pleasant, the body just disappears. These nanas can cycle through really fast or a student can get stuck without proper support.
My tradition our primary sutta was the Satipatthana. Nana or insight which realizes this nature of mind and matter is called Namarupa-pariccheda-Nana. It is also called Ditthi-Visuddhi.
I'll be looking forward to your articles @surgo!
http://www.myanmarnet.net/nibbana/vpsnana.htm
following , going to read more of your work..upvoted, I am really into this type of subject matter given light of all the leaks about what the abc agencies have and are doing to us
"Us"... as in the small handful of people concerned? One would think anti-vaxxers are the dangerous ones.
That sounds like a sure-fire way to psycho-town.