I can never really pinpoint the exact moment when a friendship perishes.
For many years I was stuck in a bubble of pomposity as I couldn't admit to myself, nor to the ones around me, that I was suffering from this ghastly fear of being abandoned. One of the hardest things in this world, for me at least, was to accept that people come and go and even the ones you're sure they will stay, will flee at some point.
In my naivety, everything had to be happily-ever-after, no matter the circumstances.
But friendships that once were flourishing, turned defective and flawed as I was fiercely trying to fix them up to no use. I couldn't really figure out why, as I was always ending up beating myself up, throwing the blame. Too blind to see when the deterioration began, too proud-spirited to acknowledge that part of it was also my fault.
For many years I was stuck in this self-made grave of pity. Unable to shift from the victimized stance, allowing the inner critical voices to dig me even deeper. I was jettisoned and it felt awful.
As I grew older, so did my perspective. I can now wholeheartedly admit that I am a masochist. The constant need to dig holes in my happiness, to paint the future black, perpetual self-inflicted wounds. These are hard pills to swallow and at times, it makes me gag.
With time, the axis has shifted and all I want right now is reconcile with the trembling waters from my own mind.
Friendships have new meanings as I am now able to communicate my feelings and thoughts in a clear way but also relate nonverbally with those that are around me. Allowing myself to accept that I can't always determine which people come into my life or how much they will stay. Who will follow and walk by my side for a while or who will stay forever no matter how the destiny unfolds.
It still is difficult for me, at times, to cancel my self-pity party. To go with the flow and allow the experience to unravel or to accept that at some point, the old and the new must connect in order for me to progress. But in all honesty, I believe I am ready.
After all, who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks? :)
Difficult to teach an old dog new tricks but then again, who is old? Me? No. You? Absolutely not.
When you are wondering how @bubke is doing and you see that he commented on your post 11 days ago but because steemit has been acting kind of funny, you never saw the reply until...today!
:) ❤
My dear @szuri, it always makes me happy to get a little message from you, don't ask me why :-)
I realized a few years ago that there were certain people I didn't need in my life and I didn't have to have them in it. I was not obligated to be unhappy around them. We grow and we move on.
Yes!
It's such a bliss when you realize you don't need certain people in your life.
Very beautifully written, @szuri . And every word is true. "Change is the only constant in life" and acceptance helps to us to evolve and understand. What is meant to be, will be. And what does not stay is meant to take you closer to what is destined. :) I came to know of you through your brother @demostene's post on wood-art. great to meet you. Both of you are super talented :)
Upvoted and followed :)
I correct the error - "I came to know of you through your husband @demostene's post " :D :)
Thank you @nehab for your kind words and for stopping by. ❤
Hah, well actually he is my husband 😁 but you could say he was ( at some point ) the brother I never had. He did share with me last night your last post ( moods of a woman ) and we both had a laugh.
Looking forward to your future posts! ❤
Oh ! I am so sorry. I correct myself. I perhaps misread @demostene's post. Accept my apologies, @szuri. Let me rephrase. You and your husband @demostene, are an amazingly talented couple. Marriage of minds and talents :) . Great to meet both of you. And i am super happy that my amusing perspective on tears made you laugh :D :)
Looking forward to your future posts too :)