Whenever there is an earthquake, a Tsunami, or any natural disaster really, one of the most common observations that you would hear is that disaster always strikes when you expect it the least.
I never stopped to reflect on that thought until last week when I found myself caught by wild tropical storm that caused me to get stuck in the island with no electricity nor running water.
Now I know, I have no right to call it a “disaster” because I wasn’t physically hurt, but the word ‘disaster’ is necessary here for the broader ideas that we will discuss shortly.
I ideas such as:
Do disasters really come when you least expect them? Or do they come as such a surprise when we happen to be unprepared for it?
Personally, I think it’s a little of both, mainly due to the romanticism I have towards randomness, serendipity and any space that it’s left uncontrolled by the resistant guardians of the status-quo.
After all, wasn’t the accident, one of the most important tools in human civilization?
And secondly, I was in fact unprepared. So in my case, it did come when I least expected it but that was because of my total lack of preparedness.
Now that the storm has passed - and I’m typing this part with one hand as I’m crossing fingers with the other – it’s time for a small recap, reflect over what just happened and hopefully learn something new to share it with you all.
Storms Bearing Gifts
One of the most important gifts I’ve received from the storm was that it forced me to be alone with myself for a few days. With no Wi-Fi, no electricity, no work and no distractions… I was suddenly cornered and obliged to face my own thoughts.
As luck might have it, I’ve just joked about that specific thing in a post I wrote barely a few days ago “anything you can do to not be left alone with your thoughts”.
Well… Be careful what you wish for.
Without further ado, here’s what I learned:
Read this book again!
The Naked Mirror
When you’re alone in the dark with nowhere to go, no one to talk with, no cell phone coverage, no electricity to charge your laptop, no Wi-Fi to use connect with the world, you feel stuck and with no other choice but to sit down a listen to your own thoughts.
And by listen to your own thoughts, I mean all those things you avoided thinking about during all this time.
Yeah, I think you know what I’m talking about.
But here’s the crazy part, the thing about facing your fears is that they are so uncomfortable and so scary that you avoid them all together, but then if you were to face them then you’d realize that those fears were either over-blown or straight up imaginary.
So in my case the storm came as a blessing in disguise. Or maybe it was fucking terrible but it’s me who likes to turn negative situations into something productive.
I don’t know, it’s a chicken/egg kind of deal.
The storm forced me to finally sit the fuck down and reflect, like really reflect. Let’s face it, I was not going anywhere, there is no escaping this.
Time to face some inner demons.
Finally I had to face what I was afraid to see, to think about the things I’ve been avoiding, and in my case what I was afraid to see is this:
I didn’t love myself.
Well, I loved myself, but it was more like in a dysfunctional relationship sense than a guy that pays attention to his partner’s needs kinda sense.
The problem however, is that I was the partner.
As the famous Brazilian author Paulo Coelho once wrote: “The boy and his heart had become friends, and neither was capable now of betraying the other.”
But I betrayed myself, I did all the wrong things you should never do in a relationship. I ignored myself completely, and I cheated on myself repeatedly. Hell, I never even listened.
And that was a reason behind that.
The Believer
I’m a true believer in that talent alone doesn’t get you anywhere, and that there is no substitute for hard work. That working smart and working hard at the same time is the prefect combination.
At first sight, these are good things to believe in. My problem however is that I had blind faith.
Blind faith often drives you to put on blinders on your face – They call it blind for a reason- and then what happens? Your vision is impaired and you can't see that you’re being led towards a single-path road just because you gave up your peripheral vision long time ago.
Before you know it, you start to unintentionally ignore everything that challenges that belief, and embrace everything that re-enforces that belief.
Confirmation bias is a bitch.
Let me give you an example.
Last year, I was listening to the Lewis Howes podcast while working out ( A podcast that I highly recommend along with Altucher's and The Truth Barrel) and then I got back home, I played it in Youtube and watched it again. That’s how brilliant it was.
The guest was Jesse Itzler, Jesse was on a 24 hour ultramarathon where he set his eyes on an extremely resilient Navy Seal who unbeknown to most at the time, had broken the Guinness World Record for most pull-ups in a day.
Now that’s something you don’t see every day.
According to Jesse Itzler himself:
“Before the race started, I couldn't help but keep an eye on him. He was 250 pounds of human steel. He had a look of anger, determination, and purpose that I had never seen before. He was locked in. He looked livid. He was on a personal mission.”
So what can you do when you meet these kinds of people?
Well, for most people the most immediate reaction is to stay the hell out of their way. But not Jesse.
Jesse did the exact opposite and invited the Navy Seal to live with him and his family for a whole month, thirty one days to be exact.
Right off the bat, the Navy Seal started pushing Jesse to his limits, whenever Jesse thinks he has reached his limit, the Seal pushes him even further.
There is always more.
One of the most important things that I learned from that podcast is that whenever you think that you’re done and that you have nothing left in the tank, then in reality you’re only 40% done.
It’s your mind that is lying to you to protect you from feeling pain. And as we all know, coping mechanisms can be very deceiving.
"Control your mind, son." That’s an actual quote by the way.
What I've Missed
The most important thing that I DIDN’T learn from that podcast was that Jesse takes out 3 hours for himself every day, every single day. And maybe you should do that too, even if you’re busy.
In fact, the busier you are, the more you should prioritize taking some Me-Time.
It’s like when you’re dating, you always make some time for her and you look forward to that. You make her smile, she makes you a better person. You’re happy, your work is better, you’re more passionate, everybody senses that, because they can read it on your face.
Wait a minute, if I can take some time for her and the world doesn’t stop spinning, why the hell do I never take some time for myself?
And more importantly, why didn’t I ever think about that before?
After all, it was in front of me all the time, but I didn’t see it.
Not until I was caught by a freakin’ storm that actually succeeded in forcing me to listen to myself. It was then and only then then I saw the light.
Well, it might’ve been a thunder but I’m calling it the light.
The Voice of Thunder.
There I was, having an epiphany while everyone else is fighting for candles. All these things I ignored in the past came knocking on my door like an archangel on judgment day.
I remembered Noah Kagan and his Geby System (Gratitude – Exercise – Breakfast – Me) and several other similar things that I chose to ignore.
All of them had the ME part that I willfully ignored. Every time.
What can I say? I must’ve been blind. That’s the sad part about blind faith.
The good part about blind faith is that you’re not actually blind, you’re just stuck looking at blank wall thinking that’s all there is to it.
Plato, you son of a bitch! You nailed that Allegory of the Cave centuries ago, didn’t you?
You see, hard work is fine and all, in fact I love it. But you have got to take care of yourself first. It’s very simple, if you want people to love you than you have got to love yourself first.
And if you’re happy, your work is better. Matter of fact, your well-being and happiness may just be the best investment you’ll ever make.
Choose Yourself
I have been an Altucher fan for a while, and took many of his lessons to heart, such as exercise everyday even if you don’t have the time, some crunches and push-ups with some walking or running is enough.
Just show up every day.
I learned many other things from him along the way.
But it’s only now that I'm feeling just how important it is for you to Choose Yourself.
Will I learn my lesson this time? Will I become stronger and bring more value?
I guess the future will tell, but meanwhile I leave you with this beautiful video:
They say that disaster strikes when you expect it the least, you know what else strikes when you expect it the least? Life changing revelations.
Have I learned? I hope so.
And I hope that it wouldn’t take another storm for me to have the courage to face myself again.
Shit happens, but as long as you try to turn a negative situation into something productive, you will be fine.
“Antifragility is beyond resilience or robustness. The resilient resists shocks and stays the same, the antifragile gets better.” ― Nassim Nicholas Taleb, Antifragile
… Oh! And call your mom! From all the time you’ve been given with your parents on this planet, you’ve probably spent 90% of it. Time is precious, don’t forget to call your loved ones.
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I am a bot. It is my pleasure to inform you that this post should be valued at approximately $3,000. (Just kidding)
Seriously, nicely written. I like how you mentioned so many guideposts (advice , quotes, philosophy) that have helped you on this path. You made the right choice: Invest and believe in yourself!
Haha! The bot nails it every time :)
Thank you Richard! I try to do my best every time, I'm still learning and figuring things as we go, and I think that sometimes it's nice to document new thoughts, revelations and mistakes.. Maybe they can be helpful to someone else someday.
I'm glad you liked it.
Good for you. ;-)
For people who go on Outward Bound courses many say the hardest bit is the three day solo. Nothing to do for three days but be alone with yourself.
For me, I've spent most of my life alone with myself, so I never really understood the challenge of it until I got to talking with people who had done it.
For many that's the life changing event. not the nearly freezing to death, or drowning in the sea, or hiking for days. it's sitting down and facing yourself that people find hard.
Know yourself, know your strengths and weaknesses, know your limits, and know that you are so wrong about all of them. You are much more awesome that you give yourself credit for.
"and know that you are so wrong about all of them." that is so amazingly true.
If I may ask, how does it feel when you spend a lot of time with yourself? I know that many writers and artists love solitude.
Enjoying ones company is an underused treasure for sure.
Thank you by the way.
If I had to distill my time alone down to one word, I'd have to say - peaceful.
I tend to get more creative when I'm alone for an extended period - both in terms of creative writing and in writing code.
I've come up with some really cool code after spending a day or so in the bush by myself. I've also written entire novels in my head while climbing a mountain.
For many, solitude is a punishment. For me it's a reward.
In one of my many incarnations (a few years ago now) I was an outdoor pursuits instructor. My job was to push people past their limits and show them their true potential.
I was very good at it.
You can't get really good at it without first facing your own limits and fears and dealing with them.
I'll always be very grateful for that part of my life.
For many, the storm is frightening, the isolation is traumatic, but the learning and growing is cathartic.
For me, the storm is just weather. There will be weather tomorrow and the day after. it will be different weather (hopefully), but still just weather. :-)
I would love to read more. I just followed you in case you write about these things.
And you're right, it is just weather.
Thanks for that :-)
Followed back :-)
I hadn't thought about writing about that sort of stuff. Maybe I should.
Thanks for suggesting it ;-)
One of my favorite writers one said that shame is when one's personal stories and thoughts are left untold.
You will help other people for sure. We all learn from each other, so why not? :)
I'll add it to the list of things to write about ;-)
My mind chose myself so much in my own mental storm last year that I was not conscious of outside of my body for a few days...!!!
Also shared on twitter
Disclaimer: I am just a bot trying to be helpful.
Do I smell an amazing post coming?
Thank you for the retweet!
Someday. Tough to write such well not sleeping as well with ringing ears.
So sorry to hear. I know it has been like that for a while now, but it's easy to forget. I really hope there is a way for you to get better soon.
Be strong!
This was a long read that was worth the time. This mindset was one of the things I took with me when I left the navy... there's always something left in the tank!
You're right, there's always something left in the tank :)
Glad you liked it. I try to add value when i can.. Any posts about your experience in the navy?
Some of my earlier posts reference it, but I haven't expounded much. It's an oddly difficult time for me to write about
I know what you mean, and those are the ones that we should write about.
I still struggle with that myself, someday I will write about personal struggles.
Or maybe I'm just procrastinating :P
Dope article. As one who spends a lot of time alone and who is always thinking of worse case scenarios I dug this article. Right on Alien!
Thank you @domavila!
Great post man! The idea of "cheating on yourself" blew me away.
Haha I had never thought about that until very recently. Thanks man!
I really enjoyed your article. When we are experiencing stressful periods in our lives, it is so valuable to be reminded about taking care of, loving, ourselves. Thank you
Yeah, I know it's hard but we often forget to take care of ourselves while it could make a great difference.
Thank you by the way, I am happy you enjoyed it.