Let me start with this - I have been both a victim and a survivor. I played both extremely well and they were both necessary. For how else can you survive, if you weren't a victim to begin with?
I've always heard "you are so brave", just for the sheer act of surviving something, as if there were really a choice in the matter other than succumbing or death. The whole you are so brave thing has always puzzled me. I think it's just something people say when they have no other words and are trying to be supportive.
(I chopped every bit of this firewood and thought it would be a good background)
So, what is the difference between victims and survivors? In my experience and how I see it, is that the "victims" focus on the minutia (tiniest of details) of every situation. While the "survivors" compare new situations to the tragedies or trauma they have already survived. When I break it all down, it always comes back to this.
Regardless of what one has endured, at its essence or core, is pain. Victims focus on how much more unjust or painful their experiences are and how no one has suffered to the degree that they have. They let their experiences define them. While survivors know that pain hurts, no matter the type, intensity or duration. They acknowledge that pain is pain, and it all sucks. They define their trauma.
Survivors have that moment of clarity, that conscious moment of choosing to flip the switch. That moment of choosing life over the struggle.
Moving from victim to survivor was a conscious choice for me. It was a decision not to proclaim each and every perceived injustice. Like so many of you, I have suffered more than my fair share of misfortune, hardship and struggle.
I'm not even sure why I wrote this. Though it does explain a bit of why I always sign my posts with "Onward in Strength".
I'll close with something a wise person told me once. "With each breath you take, is the opportunity to start all over." Your life is completely in your hands. It's up to you, how you chose to live it, from this moment forward.
As Always Onward in Strength,
Mary Lotus
@themerrylotus, have you connected with your mentor yet?
Not yet, heading over in a bit. Thank you for checking.
Putting things into perspective is one of the main things which keep me fighting on too. Unless you believe you're in a fairytale, no-one else is going to pluck you out of your situation and put you in luxury and reminding myself of that is the other thing that gets me to pull my finger out!
Thank you for sharing. Don't underestimate how much help sharing your thoughts can be to others.
Thanks for saying this. It's nice to be able to relate to others.
Indeed!
Melissa
SO WELL SAID ...being a victim is a choice....Spot on!....Glad you posted this ..I hope it inspires someone to move forward....
Great Post!
blessings,
Melissa
I remember when I didn't think it was a choice. I'm so glad I moved forward and away from all that drama. For those who are stuck, there's a wonderful life out there just waiting for you to chose it.
Never mind why you decided to write this, it's absolutely brilliant. I admire your stack of wood, but even more I admire your ability to see and define this so clearly. Very wise. I have read your introduction and I realized that it was one of the first posts I read when I started with steemit, I didn't even know how to do anything so you never got my upvote. I remember how I thought you must be a special kind of person to turn such bad times to something so different. I think you are beyond brave.
Your comment really touched my heart. It's the first time I've ever written anything like this, so outta the norm for me.
I wish I would have held back on my introduction post. It was the first thing I posted and I had no followers and didn't understand it was only active (monetarily) for a week. Life's all about lessons. What we do with them is the question. Thanks for taking the time to write me.
I felt so strongly about what you wrote. That's the kind of wisdom people would pay for. I didn't see anything wrong in what you wrote in your introduction, I found it to be an inspiration. One that stays with you. I think we worry to much about fitting in to everything. I have been writing a post about myself since I started with steemit, I haven't gotten to the point were I have posted it, and maybe I never will. It takes courage to share something about yourself.
In my advancing years (64 as of now) I tend to not worry about what others think of me and live my life back here in the woods as I please. I sure wish I had started thinking like that a couple decades earlier. It's wonderful, it's freeing, it's beyond satisfying. I can't say enough about just being who I am and not giving a flip what others think.
That sounds so great! I'm still working on that, but I will get there :-)
I love your writing so much
Thank you.
Insightful and inspiring post. I love that you chopped all that wood :D
Taking true steps to provide and care for myself is very important. Gathering and chopping firewood to provide my heat for the winter is very empowering. I stare at those wood racks often, the same with my canning jars. They are visual evidence of my success, my triumph. So thank you for noticing and here's a big ole smile, right back at ya' :D