I'm pretty sure the state I'm currently in is very ineffective. My days are not well structured. I'm taking things as they come and my task list is a two-pager already. Nothing is structured by importance or time relevance.
This is really disturbing me.
On the up, we've currently 7 volunteers with us and they seem to have a great time. And beyond that, they also show signs of inner growth. Some more than others. But they are there and some things just take time. Being out here isn't easy. And letting go of old believes to understand and adapt a new, broader understanding, takes time.
Either way. We are progressing thats what counts. Right?
I feel like I'm about to let go of any kind of restrictions that I put onto myself. It's a subconscious barrier that tries to hold me back from writing in flow. One that wants me to write with thought, rather then with feeling. It's the fear that I expose myself to the unknown reader like you. But I don't care. I want to write as if no one will ever read it, or as if it wouldn't matter anyways.
Toto, what's next?
This question just made me freeze. I'm stuck. Without a real idea what's actually next. I'm planning to go to Germany in August. Maybe visit Lisbon. But thats about it. Afterwards I'll return to Kenya to do.. what? Well I joined LakeHub Academy. A software developer/ coding school that we will launch here in Kisumu. How much is that actually aligned with who I am and where I want to get? I don't know.
I've this feeling that it's a stepping stone into the right direction. Better Me Academy is something that has been on my mind for a while. I don't know what it actually is. Well, somehow I do know. A tech-driven educational company that will connect millions of people to the opportunity to learn whatever they want, whenever they want, while growing themselves from within. My dream is to catalyze change agents across the world by giving them access to information and on demand, alternative education.
And somehow blockchain will play a big role in this too.
That's all I know. At least all I can recall right now. I'm sleepy though. We had a long day, took like 60 children to the Impala Park. It's like an African Zoo. Beautiful but long day.
I think I'm not yet working on my real purpose. All these things I'm dealing with feel to small. Even tiny compared to what I know I'm capable of. I really need more time to find clarity. On the other hand, I've been seeking clarity for so many times during the last 5 years. I traveled the world to find it. And once in a while I did. But it was always short lasted. Each time it brought be up another step on the staircase towards my... what? Isn't life, this very moment, in itself, all the purpose that can be? Going deep.
Damn Toto. Seriously. I could just decide that this is all but somehow it doesnt feel right. It's almost like I need more to strive for. More to achieve, create, impact. My legacy. Mama mentioned it the other day. She is putting even her farm land on the lake (Lake Victoria) on the foundations name. She said, this home will live on forever. For as long as the world exists there shall be the Korando Educational Center. With the farm land the home will always have access to food. It's her legacy.
Is that something I've been and still do look for? Creating my legacy? One that chisels my name into rock for history to never forget me? Weird thought, but not impossible. To be forgotten sounds uncomfortable to me. Maybe I just don't want to be forgotten. I wonder if that's a normal feeling. Do most people not want to leave a legacy, even if its just for their children? I would think so. Paying it forward. Creating something on top of what was created before us, so that others can build upon it. Sounds like evolution.
Look, there is a reason why I am where I am right now. For everything that I've created so far, it lead me where I am right in this moment. It's a pyramid that I've been growing slowly. Layer upon layer it's rising towards the sky. In that sense, the foundation is actually the biggest part in size. And it has to be build solid to ensure everything upon it will stay strongly. Its the most important part and takes time to create. And I might not have finished mine yet. Patience is a virtue.
Why do I feel ineffective? Because I didn't..
- read enough.
- exercise.
- structure my day well.
- take time to create the big picture
- create a financial income stream yet to support me/ Better Me
- connect with Silicon Valley yet, to understand where things are at and how I can use my know how to connect that world with Africa
- communicate well with anyone. Not even with close friends nor my mom.
- take enough time to teach the children
Bah...
You might have noticed, I did write this in the past. This was my past me. And this are part of the reasons that I felt ineffective. From now on this changed. I'm working to become a Better Me.
Let me sink this in.
Good night, light and loVe from Kenya