My Destination

Back in February, I gave notice to my principal that I wouldn’t come back the following school year. After 5 years of teaching, I thought I was done. I even dipped my feet in some coding.

Not for me

On a random summer night, I found a website about teaching abroad.

Clicking the green ‘Apply for Job’ button was the first domino, and everything happened really fast after that. The further along in the application process I got, the more excited I got. Eventually - due to administrative delays - I got accepted for the fall of 2017. I was set!

But at one point in the process, I had to ask myself: Do I even want to teach anymore? Am I taking the “I’ll give it a try and see what happens” approach? Am I escaping things and just starting over? Am I going back to teaching for the wrong reasons?

One of the last things I did while in Los Angeles was visit my old school. I loved EVERY second of the 5 hours I was there. Walking into my old classroom was strange, but I was comforted knowing it was in good hands. And as great as it was seeing all the “grownups” at the school, it’s the students that I missed the most. Every teacher who stops teaching will tell you the same.

Ironically, it’s this aspect I need to improve the most upon. Back when I began my career as an educator, I was naive. I went in thinking I was going to “change the world” and that my presence alone would have a profound impact on students’ lives (haha! I literally lol’d writing that sentence. Silly young me). By the end of the first semester, I was beaten, frustrated, jaded and humbled. Most first year teachers will tell you the same.

Looking back, my biggest problem was dealing with teenagers who didn’t want to do what I told them to do (Props to all the parents out there!) Getting student’s to do something most aren’t naturally good at (math) while simultaneously conveying urgency and patience is no easy task. And oh my, when students wouldn’t do their work, the worst part of me would come out! Yelling, ignoring, shutting down...you name it, I did it. Instead of instilling in them a sense of wonder and curiosity, I drilled and killed. Instead of enforcing firm boundaries, I compromised them. Instead of giving the benefit of the doubt, I mentally rolled my eyes.

Instead of going back to the lab and work on my approach, I grew complacent. I half-assed the last two years.

I get to go into this next stage of my teaching career with the benefits of learning from my mistakes. I don’t think too many teachers get to say that. Many leave the profession when they hit their breaking point. Among those that do, some will leave bitter. Some will leave with reluctance. Some will get lucky enough to come back and try it again, learning their lesson. For me, the lesson is this: It’s all about the students. Too often, I made it about me.

From the events of the past 80 days, I’m convinced that this life-event was meant to happen. I’ve gotten too many breaks. More than a few guardian angels have helped me out in various cities. There have been mistakes made that have slowed down the process. Some of the mistakes have been my fault, some of them have not, but it doesn’t really matter. I get my second chance at teaching...unselfishly. With devotion. With love.

And that’s all that really matters.

Aside from enjoying re-connecting with my parents (this part might be the most awesome!), I plan on spending the next 9 days getting ready. Getting ready to give my “teacher look.” Getting ready to work. Getting ready to deal with teenagers. Getting ready to teach. Getting ready to try again. Getting ready to experience something new. Getting ready to face 100-degree heat!