Our upvote amount isn't much, but it is at least something. We hope others will come to your aide and don't think about suicide. Please just don't. Even living with another Steemian can be a possibility until you get back on your feet. There's more than just two options. There's a world out there full of life and options/alternatives. If we were living in NY and had a spare couch we would offer it to you. Believe us we would.
Is there any Steemian out there that can help @macksby with our suggestion?
Thanks @travelling-two, for your words and positive thoughts... Suicide is not something I ever considered before.., I actually lived with someone, who at that time in her life, was very suicidal -- I had to remove all the knives, glass and anything else you could use to hurt yourself form the apartment. I never knew if I would find her dead when I came home -- it was a very intense time. I did everything I could to prevent it from happening, so to have these thoughts myself, definitely freaks me out.
And yes, I do believe you... :))
Holding on hope for you!
We really hope you are getting the support and backing you need. Surround yourself with positivity in a time like this.
You've said it yourself you've seen this happen before with someone that you used to live with and know what the realities are. Your target of 3,000 STEEM or mixed with other crypto can be achieved. Hopefully, your future posts will receive many upvotes and as much SBD you need per post. We're counting on the rest of the community too! :)
Thanks for all the support @travelling-two... This amazing community has given me some hope!