Life is filled with emotional bumps, bruises, illnesses, and strains. We pass through hurts like betrayal, heart break, failure, etc. But it actually takes a conscious effort to let go or overcome each one of these.
So, what is pain?
Pain is a distressing feeling often caused by intense or damaging stimuli. Because it is a complex, subjective phenomenon, defining pain has been a challenge. Pain motivates the individual to withdraw from damaging situations, to protect a damaged body part while it heals, and to avoid similar experiences in the future. (Source: Wikipedia).
The aspect of pain I’ll be concentrating on is pain as a result of failure. Have you ever put so much effort in something, hoping it’ll bring a positive result, but it ends up not turning out as expected? Ends up being a “failure”?
Trust me, we all pass through that situation. Most times, we end up depressed because we feel we’re no good, we end up calling ourselves failures or at least ask ourselves why we are such failures.
I just experienced that... I currently discovered that I failed a course, that I in no way possible, in this world or the next thought I would fail. I had to study with a friend for the course, because it is actually a calculation course, spent a little extra time trying to understand it. So you can imagine my shock when I found out I did not pass it.
I got over it of course, within the week. Like I said, failure could lead to depression, chronic one if brooded upon. Another danger is that it could lead to low self-esteem. Now, that’s really dangerous because it gives us this sense of uselessness most times.
There are different ways to overcome the hurt or as I personally put it, the “heart break” that comes with having to fail at something. I’ll also share with us the one measure I took to overcoming this, and trust me, it is the best way, 1,000,000% effective (supposing there was something like that).
1. TALK TO SOMEONE
This really helps. It is said “a problem shared is a problem half solved”. By talking to someone else, you may also help to get the perspective you need so that you can look for a silver lining in the experience.
Also ask the person to check up on you once in a while concerning the matter, depending on what it is. Asking for help can be awkward. However, it is one of the ways you can increase accountability.
If you let someone know that you are trying to make specific changes in your life, it will increase the likelihood of your success. It is important for you to let others know what you are trying to achieve.
This actually helps focus your mind on making progress. There is an opportunity to live up to an expectation, which can result in you feeling positive about yourself and your efforts. Consider asking the person to hold you to a check-in schedule, e.g. daily, weekly, etc.
2. AVOID RUMINATING
When continuously brood over a past hurt, (in this case failure) the memories you replay in your mind only become increasingly distressing and cause more anger – without providing any new insights. It increases your stress levels, and can actually be addictive.
3. TURN FAILURE INTO SOMETHING POSITIVE
Like I mentioned earlier, if you allow yourself to feel helpless after a failure, or blame it on your lack of ability or bad luck, it’s likely to lower your self-esteem. Blaming a failure on specific factors within your control, such as planning and execution, is actually less dangerous.
However, it is better to focus on ways you can improve and be better informed or prepared so you can succeed next time (and try again, so there is a next time).
I will continue to make reference to what @ Ogochukwu said in one of his recent posts, “…Failure is necessary for progress”. Let’s take Thomas Edison as an example, the inventor of one of the most important things we use, the light bulb. In one of his inventions, he tried and failed 99 times and succeeded at the 100th time (so I was told anyways). Each time he failed, he saw it as a step closer to success. And honestly, that’s the way forward.
Let’s take a look at this his quote:
Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time.
4. USE POSITIVE SELF-AFFIRMATIONS
While positive affirmations are excellent tools for emotional health, if they fall outside the boundaries of your beliefs, they may be ineffective. You could start by telling yourself every day, “I am not a failure”, “I’m awesome”, “I may not have gotten there yet, but I’m closer to my success”. Don’t use as an excuse for laxity though.
5. MUSIC
Ooh, let’s not forget one of THE most important. I’m a music lover, so yeah, music is one of my greatest help in this kind of situation. Not depressing music! No no no... Don’t try that. Rather, uplifting music.
Remember I said I’d share with you what helped me get through quickly... Well, He’s the Holy Ghost. I wanted to go sulk in my room, distract myself with movies (which I think I did. Can’t remember though). God doesn’t want us to fail of course, but I still believe that “… God works everything for the good of those who love Him…” (Still paraphrased though) Romans 8:28.
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A wonderful expository.... Thanks so much for the tips
Uwc. And thanks for reading. 👍🏽
You are right: Failure is sometimes necessary for progress. Sometimes we have to fail to see a better way of doing things.
Also, one good way of overcoming pain is letting time pass. After a little time, the intense pain you will reduces to a dull throb, and finally disappears.
Yes. That's right. Time is another important factor. Someone once said that "...pain is the easiest thing to forget". And this, I believe is because of the passage of time. However, some people cannot pass through that time "peacefully", that is why these few points are suggested.
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