Yesterday I smiled for the first time in a long time.

I consider myself a regular guy, but in the last few years things came to light that changed how I live.
This is my story of how I crawled out of what I thought might have been the end of me.
I didn't have an easy childhood but none of that needs too much explaining, but did include whole family eviction in front of my high-school and my mother trying to overdose on pills twice, one being a wrestling match where I willingly gave up...
I am 25 years old... I apologize for this being too confusing.
**I am trying it all out now to have the "truest format"
This is for anyone who is struggling and needs help, or doesn't know it like I did.

I had recently lost my job at a cellphone store that I had been struggling to deal with. Getting there was a morning ritual where I knew the day would only get worse the longer I stayed.
My boss was younger than me but brighter than a whip, and I was doing my best to keep up.
Keeping up costs those who cant handle it, my cost was booze. I never drank to a stupor, It would be three or four beer every other night.

The worst part? I am still dating the girl I have dated for 5 years now. We smoke the occasional Marijuana and drink together but never do activities anymore. She would rather sit and game on the PS4.
She and I did great because I repress things I assume people won't or Can't help me with.
I never told her about how I wake up ready for defeat. I don't tell her my credit card is maxed, my overdraft is gone and I can't make sales targets anymore.

I was afraid to lose my grip on what I had left...
"If there was a button called, 'Life' I would have pressed that years ago." was my mantra.

This cycle, wake up, work, drink and video games continued.
I would miss shifts due to being sick the next day, reminding you, I never got hammered. My stomach just couldn't drink anymore.
Even though I texted my bosses or called, they wrote me up... Six times...
Then after Canada Day, fired me with no notice or signature.
I sat on the couch and lazed around for almost a month, hating myself for being useless and pathetic.
I echoed those phrases in my mind endlessly for hours every day.

One day, just a week or two ago I broke down, Employment Insurance denied my claim a month after waiting and I fell and had a good cry. My hands grabbed at each other pleading to not let this undo me. My nails scratched and tore at my arms till they burned in the hot water. It released a lot of what I held inside and with that I had some clarity.

I knew what I liked, being me. I am not a suit and tie kinda guy. I wanted a place to be where I can sustain myself and pay bills but feel safe.
That was my goal. So I looked up a place in town, an indoor trampoline facility that wasn't hiring. And applied without knowing if they were hiring.

I got the fabled "Call-Back" and got the bus for the interview the next day. I worse black work pants and a blue button up, straight from my days at the Cellphone store. I poured BUCKETS of sweat in worry and pure heat exhaustion during the sit-down...
I came home to voicemails from our landlords who were in Mexico for vacation, harassing us for the Rent we didn't have...

A week after, I was hired. I work today actually!
I am a week into the job and I am so happy to have tried for it.

I am now working with my current girlfriend to try and move forward in being adults, paying bills properly and expressing how we treat each other and why.

I know you read all this so far and I'm proud of myself for writing it.
So with this last bit I just want readers to know, if you or someone you know is struggling, take 'em for a walk, empower them. Because as stereotypical as it is, getting the small win helps. Go and achieve something, feel like a hero, listen to your favorite music and keep your chin up!
I will always listen if somebody wants to talk, I want to use this experience to change other people who struggle.

Thank-you for reading.