Here I am again my friends, i wish you good health in 2019 and the rest you will need to make happen yourself :)
Last we spoke was on the eve before my fiancée landed. A lot happened since then in our journey to marriage and our eventual life together. Together with @reinikaerrant I experienced a lot of new things during this time.
We collected the required paperwork necessary for marring, that was quite the experience and not a pleasant one if I might add. But we did that had to be done and did not come back empty handed. I learned this day that if you want something bad enough, you will do what needs to be done. You don’t take no for an awnser… Now with papers in hand we have only a few steps to go before we are ready.
We moved into our house, and let me tell you that brings a lot of dishes with it. We spend our first night there, celebrated the start of a new year there, twice! We lived our lives together for the first time, an appetiser of what is to come. And let me tell you I can not wait for the main courses. And speaking of courses, we also made a pizza from scratch for the first time, that was fun :D
Looks eatable if i do say so myself.
I finished off the necessary paperwork for my visa to visit Russia, and received the visa 3 weeks later in the mail. An experience where I had to figure out what exactly was needed by myself, something I never had to do before. But this means friends, I’m going to Russia! Finally I get to spend some time with my new family and friends. It also my first time flying alone, which in it self feels like an adventure to me.
24th of February i will be in a plane just like this.
Of course when you see a new post of me after a long period of absence… you also know what that means. By tonight I will be speaking with her again, and see her again trough video chat. But she is no longer right next to me. And that brings me to my final experience I had…
This is an experience everyone has had in their lives, even when you were an infant. You felt it for the first time when you were a small baby, when your parents put you down in your crib so that they could get some sleep of their own or run some errant. You felt it when you were a child, when one of your friends wanted to spend some time with someone else instead of with you. You felt it when you moved out on your own away from the parental nest for the first time in your lives. You felt it when you went to any crowded place and you got to see all the relationships around you, you are not allowed to join. The experience is called loneliness.
A very deep, a very profound experience everyone has. Loneliness is a very complicated experience, you can feel very lonelily even in a very crooned place surrounded by thousands of people, you can feel profoundly close and connected to someone even while you are in a sailboat in the middle of the Atlantic and you are 3000 km away from the nearest other human being. You can crave companionship at the same time you crave solitude
Loneliness is an existential condition, it is a way of our being in the world. And since it is a way of being in the world there is nothing you can do about it really, there is no cure for it, there is not even an prevention. The experience changes as our perception changes. It can be a very deep and profoundly painful experience, or it can be merely the absence of people.
But in the end, isn’t that wat life is all about. We can only truly say we live if we experience all this life has to offer… and that includes both the good and the bad, the happy and the sad. And my friends if my time is to be finite then I’m planning experiencing it all while I can!
This is Wolf of Sarcasm signing off.
~ End of day 149 ~
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