How To Build Your Personal Brand: 80% Sizzle, 20% Steak (Please Don't Read This It's Terrible)

in #life7 years ago (edited)

It's crazy how your whole life can change in just a few days.

A week ago I was just a lowly Instagram marketer and dropshipper.

Today I'm a full-blown social media manager and strategic advisor for several companies.

The best part? I've been wearing my board shorts this whole time. I've spent a good 2-3 hours a day at the beach working on my tan. I've seen more Russian hotties than I can count.

God I fucking love Thailand.

I was telling my friend today that for the first time ever, I am actually excited to be alive. I like what I'm doing, I'm getting paid for it and I'm "building my own brand."

On sale now for only $97! (a $600 value!!!)

I really hate that term because it reminds me of all those guru hotshots who pad what should just be a one-line tweet into a 1000 word article. Some of them even turn it into a book.

What does it even mean to build your own brand?

From my experience, building a personal brand is just a fancy way of saying that you give specific details about how you work and post a few selfies.

"Hey guys, this is me working on the beach. Be sure to tune into my webinar where I teach you how to get EXPLOSIVE INSTAGRAM GROWTHHHHHHHH."

Barf.

But why would anyone, other than the most narcissistic of people, want to "build their personal brand?" What exactly is the point?

Other than being able to use the word "I" as often as you want and taking copious pictures/videos of yourself, there's actually a legitimate reason.

Think about it like this: you can either buy a service/product from a faceless website where you don't know if they have five employees or five hundred.

Or you can buy from a guy whose blog you read regularly, whose face you recognize and who creates a bunch of content specifically about the type of service you'll be hiring him for.

Who would you rather throw your money at?

Strippers make the most money when they make you fall in love

I would rather get work done by the second guy. For one thing, he'll be under more pressure to perform. If you fuck up at a big company, the company takes the heat.

If you fuck up under the banner of your "personal brand," you're going to lose your reputation very fast.

But in order to lose your reputation, you have to have one in the first place, right? That begs the question, how are you supposed to start from nothing?

For instance, how did a guy like Tai Lopez get his start? He's on record as saying that a few years ago he had less than a hundred bucks in his bank account. Now he lives in a mansion and fucks models. And we can't forget about his 47 Lamborghinis.

Honestly, you just gotta start. I don't care if you don't have a website, don't have experience, or don't even know how to type. Just start with something.

Like this article for instance - it's pure garbage. Like literally probably one of the worst blog posts I've ever written in my life. But here I am at 9:30 at night, clicking away.

Does it matter that it's a steaming pile of hot garbage? Not really.

Do you know why? Because every word that I type here is BUILDING MY BRAND. LOL.

Seriously though what does that even mean?

I'll tell you what it means. It means you, my potential or possibly current customers, are slowly getting to know the real me. Or at least the me that comes out when I'm typing blog posts about random things.

As long as you spend 80% of your time talking about yourself and 20% talking about business, you're good to go. That's how I do it at least.

Damn I'm sure I had a point here... shit... where was I going with this.

I dunno. I'm so tired. This is literally the 6th article I've written today. Maybe more, I don't remember. I'm so busy lately I feel like my head is going to explode. I think I'm going to have to start contracting out some of this work soon.

I guess that's a good problem to have. For now I really want money though so I'll probably grind out at least another few weeks on this schedule.

As long as the weather is nice and I have plenty of perfectly-shaped Russian asses to stare at for a few hours a day, I should be good.

Have I told you lately how much I fucking love Patong? Since I've been here I've dropped like 10 lbs and my skin color has gotten like 5 shades darker.

What I really need to do though is sign up for a Muay Thai camp. I wonder if they'll take payment in Ethereum?

Hmm... this was supposed to be a serious article about building my brand or something, but now look at me. I'm just rambling off into nonsense-land.

I mean, it's kind of a double-edged sword. They hire you because they (and others) recognize you. You become a known figure in your community. But what if you write retarded shit sometimes?

JMAC just wanna get paid

Like, who is going to hire John McAfee? Probably a lot of people, actually. And then when he does McAfee things they're just like, "Oh well, that's Johnny for you!"

I feel kind of the same way. I mean here I am, being hired by some seriously big clients, and they could possibly be reading this blog post right now thinking, "Oh my god we actually are trusting this guy to write articles for us and manage our social media?"

I mean, forget about the fact that I actually know what I'm doing for a second. That's why I can't wait to get famous. For what exactly, I have no idea. But I just feel like when you're a celebrity, you can do no wrong. Unless you're Harvey Weinstein.

Anyway, it's not so much that you can do no wrong, it's just that business are so totally googley-eyed at the prospect of someone famous wearing their stupid t-shirt or whatever that they'll throw money at you just to do it.

I don't think I'm quite there yet. Or even remotely close.

Grant Cardone says that businesses' biggest problem is obscurity. I agree.

If you're some random unknown company, you think tweeting twice a day is going to get people to have any idea who you are? Nah man, you need to tweet like 10x a day. And retweet. And favorite. And send messages.

"Hm. Never heard of them."

You need to plaster the airwaves with your face, your message, and your "brand" until people are like, "Who the fuck is this guy? I see his face everywhere. What's he selling?"

That's what I'm banking on. That someday I'll just be so well-known that I can write retarded posts like this that ramble on forever and companies that hire me won't even care. Like, I almost feel a little scared writing this, like one of them is going to call me into the principal's office and say, "We saw what you wrote on Steemit. We didn't know you were such a weirdo."

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why businessmen don't have blogs. It's not because they're too busy - it's because they don't want their customers/competitors to see how batshit crazy they are.

And when I say crazy, I actually mean "normal." Because all the thoughts that I've written out on this page are perfectly normal thoughts that 100% of the human population in existence today has thought at one point or another.

Everyone has wondered what it would like to be so famous that you were untouchable. Everyone has been scared that an authority figure would discover a meaningful piece of art that they created and be judged for it.

Everyone has experienced the brain-destroying power of a Russian girl's ass.

It's too late now

But that's actually the funny part. Companies don't even give a shit about anything but their bottom line.

"Oh that NFL player beat the shit out of his wife in an elevator? Hmmm. He's still a good linebacker though, right? Eh don't worry about it."

Thank god the crypto space is dominated by the younger generation. Memes, internet culture and a casual attitude towards wealth are welcome and long overdue. Kind of gives me freedom to say retarded shit like this.

Damn I should really just delete this whole thing at this point. I feel like by continuing on like this I'm just digging myself a deeper and deeper hole.

The worst part about this is that I'm actually going to pay for upvotes to promote this afterwards.

By the way, anyone who thinks they can get any sort of reasonable exposure on this platform without buying upvotes is in for a rude awakening - but that's a subject for another post.

Pretty good clickbait title though, no?

So what do you think? Did you actually read the article?

No? That's cool, I don't read articles either. I just skim to the bottom and leave a comment based on one sentence that I remember from the post.

Good to see you!

Can't get enough of me? Follow me on Instagram!

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Check out some of my other posts here:

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keep going with it
stay blessed bro :) :)

I tell ya, you've got a rather twisted sense of humor with this whole thing. You're right, though. You spent all this time to hammer out a post that contributes absolutely nothing of value.

Well done, sir!

I try to write two articles per day on here. Not all of them are good. But I think it's important to be consistent in your output in order to improve.

Consistency and quality aren't necessarily linked, but it's good that you've set a goal for yourself. Never stop improving.

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Yeah, you really need #dolphinschool. This approach is about as backwards as possible. Sure, be genuine, but people do business with people that represent real value AND they like them.

Dolphin school... never heard of them. I'll check it out.

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