You know, all my life that I lived so far, I’ve spent waiting, for something or someone to make me happy.
I would be like a chameleon, changing my skin to blend in what was expected of me, to be liked and accepted.
I would literally put everyone I met, on a pedestal- but I’d never put my own needs first, out of fear to be alone. I had always hated being alone and stepping into an empty house.
The reason why I hated empty houses was that my inner world, was just as empty. Other people would trow their colours on to my empty canvas, as I watched.
However, now I’m finally starting to get to know myself and standing by the things I like, no matter what a misfit I am.
I realised how much energy I spent on trying to be liked, that I could have spent on trying to get my own approval of myself.
Now, I can activitly sit alone with my coffee outside feeling the warmth and naturing energy of my own presence.
I want to be completely transparent and vulnerable, sharing my joys and pains, relating and connecting to my fellow human brothers and sisters, from a place of love that’s self generated and nurtured- and therefore stable and always reliable.
I want to work on being the source of my own happieness, this finding my purpose of a deep and meaningful life.
Autonomous and taking responsibility for how I feel and for my actions- with a hard and strong back and a soft front and an open heart ❣. 
@thecreativerebel I wrote that before Jack vomited 🤮, oh the universe sure tests
It sure does. I saw you sitting out having a coffee on your own the other morning! It such a perfect space for it there and pretty magic when alone. :) Good to read your writing again.