A HUSBAND LIVER

The house was still crowded after returning from the funeral, my head was still dizzy because I could not help crying when my wife's last body was inserted into the grave. I could no longer hold back tears when I saw crying children staring at people who were hoarding their mothers' bodies. For a long time I stayed at the funeral, recalling when my wife was still there. I remember all my sins, my mistakes, my cash mouth, my ignorance, even the most I remember letting him think for himself about family finances.

I think when the funeral is the saddest moment I have experienced in my entire life, it turned out that it was nothing. Many other grievances that make me feel broken. Starting at night after the house was empty of mourners, children like not going to sleep without their mother. They are still crying in contempt. I can only hug them without being able to hide the sadness on my face.
My 5 year old daughter ran to the room several times while calling her mother. It seems like he forgot that his mother is gone. Then he came out again with a disappointed face.
Night passed without me being able to melt my eyes for a second. I looked at the children who were sleeping with anxiety. I woke up for a while and our first 9-year-old son was crying while holding his face on his head. His 7-year-old younger brother had fallen asleep, but occasionally delirious called his mother. Really, I'm not calm that night. It feels like this house is empty.
A few days still with the same atmosphere, there are still relatives who help cook and sweep the house until the third day. There are still many neighbors who embrace and strengthen children.
Until the day arrived that made me very sad. That is the day when they start school. That morning they were all awake, I was confused, my children were also confused about what to do. Usually our morning is always woken up, told to take a shower and pray, clothes are prepared, breakfast is made and we leave in a neat and full stomach. Today, all of us are silent. I told the kids to see food in the box but only raw materials. A usually neat house looks messy. I went to buy breakfast for the four of us. When I pay, I'm shocked by the 50bb without change. Whereas during this time I gave my wife 50 million enough to eat us until night. Sometimes I get angry if he asks for extra. I bring breakfast home and the children are waiting at the dinner table. It was already 7:30 a.m. they were usually taken to school all of them were accompanied by my wife together, while I just went home to buy breakfast. In my heart, if it's too late, hopefully it's understandable because it's gone misfortune. When I want to eat, I don't know where the plate and spoon are, get water and where the glass is. I was always served by my wife. I feel even more chaotic when the clock is at 8 o'clock and the kids haven't been all together. I really lost a god in our house. Is this what my wife has been doing? Why do I always think he has no work. Always consider a mother's work trivial. I'm still dazed at work. There are still many friends who come to say condolences. Until I was called by my classmate who was still in kindergarten, he said the children had gone home but no one had picked me up yet, I asked permission to go to pick up the child and at 12 o'clock my number 2 son also called to be picked up because he had gone home. All this time I don't know any of their schedules. I only work and don't care about it all. My big son comes home at 2, meaning I can't go back to work. Until my son's school, I still saw in front of the school there were still blood marks when my wife crashed 3 days ago, an accident that immediately took her life when she picked up my eldest child. : '(

Up to home the children look hungry, usually they are fed and the kindergarteners say they are usually picked up and eat right at home. Just return to pick up his brother after eating. Turns out I don't know the time management as late as my wife. I must eat again to go buy lunch. Likewise later dinner. So it's not less than 200rb until night. I think it's only 1 day, how about 1 month. My salary won't be enough for the four of us.
Tonight the kids also reminded me that they had no one to pay because no one had delivered their place of prayer. : '(

Dear Allah
It's beautiful how you admonish me,
So chaotic my life is without my wife, finances are getting messier, children are not taken care of, my favorite food is no longer there. Houses and plants are like missing aura because no one is caring for and cleaning. I still had the chance to feel the woman out there was more beautiful than my wife. If only I could make up for whatever I have done to my wife all this time I want to fix it. I want to help him, love him wholeheartedly and will never say harshly to him. He was so tired every day, but after work I still yelled at him often. When he is