How to make friends and influence people

As a teenager I was described as shy and reserved. I had friends but would never have been at the centre of attention. I found it hard to interact with new people, I wasn’t the most confident and it was apparent to others. As I grew older so did my confidence, I began to realise that I was the conductor of my own life and could subconsciously manipulate my interpersonal interactions and have others perceive me as I desired. As my knowledge grew I became aware of my body language and what it was vocalising. I gradually understood situations my body language did not correlate with my narrative.

It is very important that your body language correlates with the words you are uttering. If your body language dove tails from your words people will believe you aren’t genuine. Last Christmas I decided to run my own experiment. Commonly, one of the first things after the Christmas holidays people asked me was “How was your Christmas Seán?”, I would respond by saying, “it was a bit crazy how was yours?” Nine out of ten times people would brush over the fact I had described my Christmas as crazy and embark on describing their own Christmas experience. The point I am trying to make is people aren’t interested in what you have to divulge. They are only interested in their own thoughts and feelings. People perceive you to be a great conversationalist when they do the talking. This technique will build a perception that you are a caring person with great empathy.

Furthermore, mirroring is a very important subconscious step in making friends and influencing people. The first step to successfully mirroring someone is known as fronting. Fronting is simply giving someone your full attention and squaring your body so you are directly facing them. The next step is eye contact. Eye contact can be tricky because too little and you will seem tentative and too much you might seem creepy. It is very important to establish a middle ground. My favourite technique is the triple nod. The triple nod does two important things. Firstly, it creates a situation where the other person will talk twice as long making them feel listened to. Secondly, it is scientifically proven to build a “yes set” meaning people are more inclined to say yes to a proposal you have. Follow these simple steps and before long you will be making friends and influencing people.

As I progress this blog my aim is to discuss these techniques in greater detail. I wish to aid anyone willing to improve their interpersonal communication skills. For anyone who decides to use these techniques in their life I would love to hear how it has improved your social interactions with others.

How to make friends and influence people

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