Written by: The Pretender
July 13th, 2016
13 min read
Original published URL: https://www.stickmanbangkok.com/readers-submissions/2016/07/stages-of-living-the-dream-in-thailand/
In this submission I would like to talk about the different stages we western men go through in our motivations and desires to live in Thailand and see if I can come up with a predictive model that explains at a high level what's going on in our minds and our hearts – what's happened to us both in the western world and in Thailand that has caused us to want to escape the West and live the dream in the land of smiles.
Let's talk about motivating desires. In the western world it feels like nobody really gives a shit about you. You're a utility. Your worth is measured by what you do for a living. How well you are treated by other people is dependent upon your status, your income and what assets you own. You are almost certainly an average to an above average income earner and you are used to being treated like a resource by everyone in your life and especially by the large corporation or government department that you work for. Your life is controlled. You have a good, stable job but your life is boring. You look around you and see that everyone else is living a boring life as well. You have had a long term relationship before with a western woman. You have experience as part of a couple and have certainly felt the irritations that living situation entails. You will be aware – acutely aware of the incredible lengths you have to go to as a man to find a so called “good woman” and the very high price western women put on themselves. It's a price that you have paid before but you felt uneasy about that price. It felt like you were paying money to be treated like crap. You have lots of experience of course going to bars and nightclubs trying to pick up women. You know how women behave in those places and how unreceptive they are. They don't smile, they are rude, bitchy, unapproachable and they reject men without remorse. They look at you like you're a piece of shit. This you have noted they also do to good looking men who don't have high status so you know it's not your looks that are holding you back when it comes to the so called fairer sex.
Living in the western world over time has worn us men down. The culture and the people are all very individualistic. They are self-focused. People walk the streets without smiles on their faces. They hurry from one place to the next with work constantly on their minds. Who has the time – in whose interest is it in the highly mechanised and technologically well developed western world to take the time and effort to smile at a stranger? Over time the experience of living in the west has caused us irritation and resentment and in our minds we think to ourselves is it me or are the majority of these people that surround me rude and obnoxious, greedy and self-interested? Vicious and nasty? Out only to use me as a resource to further their own agendas. At some point we get jack of it all and we book that first trip to Thailand. We go to a tourist area like Pattaya. We go out on our first night in Pattaya and what do we find? We find smiling, beautiful Thai people who will cater to our every need, want and desire. We are welcomed with open arms. We are amazed to discover that there is a place in this world where the people treat us with respect, dignity and kindness. How great this feels in comparison to how we are treated in the western world. In our minds we think to ourselves “I have finally found it – an incredible place with everything I have ever dreamed about as a man!”. The women and ladyboys are young, beautiful and a pleasure to spend time with. There are no rude, obnoxious, bitchy western women around. We find our peace – our nirvana.
So we spend 2 weeks in Thailand on our first trip. We have experienced a new culture, a new way of living. We go out every night and we have had sex with a variety of young, beautiful women or ladyboys and our hearts and our minds have forever been imprinted by the incredible sexual pleasures we have experienced in a tropical paradise. Large amounts of dopamine have flooded our brains and we have associated the greatest pleasures we have ever experienced in our lives with the people of Thailand. When we think about Thailand we think about freedom, variety, intense pleasures of the flesh, being treated in the manner we have always dreamed of being treated but never received by our fellow jaded and cynical westerners. We want this feeling to be a permanent part of our lives but at the back of our minds we know that going home to the western world will jolt us back to harsh reality. When we do get back to the west we experience a come down like we have never experienced before. Intense feelings of depression, sadness and loss. We have experienced the ultimate rush in Thailand and now we have to pay the price with the worst withdrawal imaginable. As the weeks and months pass by we slowly recover and get back up to speed with living in the western world. Even as we recover we still have daily – many times a day thoughts about Thailand and our experiences there. Our hearts and minds forever imprinted by our experiences in Thailand. We have contracted a virus of the heart and mind. Some call it Jasmine Fever. It has us in it's grips.
As we dream about Thailand every day we are also making plans for our return to paradise. With each obnoxious, high pitched, screeching western woman we hear in the workplace or out and about with her incredible sense of entitlement, our resolve deepens to get back to Thailand and away from the western world. We research flight ticket prices and hotel prices on the internet. We scrimp and we save our money. We avoid going out to bars and clubs. We know the rejection that waits for us in those gynocentric environments and we just can't face it after our experiences in Thailand have taught us that life doesn't have to be like this. There is a better way. Another option. We have experienced it but that experience has forever caused the western world to be seen by us in our minds eye as black and white, devoid of colour, our beige grey cubicle a constant, daily reminder of this. After experiencing Pattaya we look at our fellow, thirsty western men and their pathetic pussy begging behaviour and we cringe. We look at how overweight, overbearing western women have men jumping through hoops for them for the mere hint of sex. We see high status, good looking men with good jobs, income and assets laying down their lives for horribly entitled western harpies. We want no part of this anymore. We refuse to be a dancing monkey. That is no longer our role here. At least when we were a dancing monkey we had entertainment value to the people around us. We are now seen as sex tourists and those around us have accorded us a new role – outcast. How does it feel to be no longer a part of the in group? How dare you step out of line and try to find happiness for yourself when we are all miserable. Sneaky fuckers hey?
The months drag on, each day is misery but we have saved our money and today we are excited because we are booking our next trip to Thailand. It feels great knowing that we will be back soon in the land of smiles, away from the soul crushing and depressing cubicle farm. It will feel great to be a gangster again instead of a battery hen. We have experienced a variety of symptoms in the last few months in the western world including boredom, depression, social exclusion, irritation, anxiety, unhappiness and yearning – constant yearning. We start to realise that these symptoms come with a future payoff – a return trip to Thailand. We think about this further and we come to the conclusion that this is part of the price we have to pay if we choose to go against western societies customs and values and live a better life as a “sex tourist” in Thailand. Our behaviour is changing given our experiences in the land of smiles and the people around us have taken note of this. We are noticing that we are starting to see things very differently to our peer group. Our values are changing whilst the values of the people we work with have stayed the same or strengthened. This is causing conflict between us and those around us. We suspect that making more of these independent trips to Thailand and spending more time with the Thai people will cause our values to change even more and cause further rifts in our relationships with our colleagues, our friends and our families.
The time has now come for our next trip to Thailand. We have eagerly counted down the days. We have reminders set up on our computers to notify us. The day comes and we board our flight bound for Thailand. We are so excited that soon we will be back in paradise. Months of soul crushing work and being treated like a utility has come to an end and we are back in the land of smiles ready to experience again the respect, dignity and kindness by the beautiful Thai people. We go back to the bars, we go back to our women or ladyboys. We experience again incredible pleasure but perhaps it's not quite as good as the last time as we have become just that little bit accustomed to it now. Our minds are however once again as before being flooded by dopamine causing us incredible pleasure and more associations in our brains that tell us that pleasure equals Thailand. The cycle is repeating itself again and our habits are growing stronger. Not only that but our resolve is growing stronger that we want this to be a permanent part of our lives and we are willing to sacrifice – to do whatever it takes to make it so. We start scheming and plotting, calculating and projecting our career and financial capabilities trying to find a way to live this dream life permanently. We get back to the western world. Our values have changed even more from those around us. Our moral compass has changed direction. People have really taken note of this now. They can see only too clearly that you are no longer the person you once were. Your thoughts, ideas, behaviour and actions have all changed. Your interests and the things you constantly talk about have changed. They all centre around Thailand. People think and they tell you that you're obsessed. You have taken sex off the table when dealing with women back home. This makes you potentially very dangerous as you can no longer be controlled by women shaming you into compliance. It makes you less able to be controlled by your employer as well because you have no woman in your life extracting resources from you. No children either which makes you the least able to be controlled. You're now a “management problem”. You watch on as traditional conservative men with wives and children get promoted ahead of you. These men upper management knows full well are trapped. The have no options but to work whilst you could decide to tell management to go fuck themselves and walk out. You wouldn't have considered this before but now it's certainly an option.
The movie Fight Club is a great analogy to what's happened to us western men in Thailand. In the movie Edward Norton starts off as a white collar every day man and over time due to his involvement in fight club he becomes a very different man. What has happened to Norton is his mind and his heart have been shaped – forever changed by the intense emotional experiences he has had fighting other men. He has become more alpha than those around him in the workplace. He removed his compliance. This caused anger and resentment towards him from his manager and peers. The same thing has happened to us men who are regular visitors to Thailand. We don't give a shit anymore. We are less compliant. We can't be controlled by sex or bribed by the desire for status to attract women and that makes us dangerous – a threat. We see through the illusions and this makes us hard to manage and control. Management thinks to themselves – what are we going to do with this guy? As you're a good worker who produces great results however they have very little cause to get rid of you so life and work goes on.
Since 2012 I have made a total of 7 trips to Thailand. I have spent approximately 17 weeks in total in Pattaya and 1 week in Bangkok. It's incredible to think that just this relatively short amount of time has forever changed me as a man. That my values, beliefs, behaviour and actions have become so very different to those around me in the western world. I can see however that the stages I have gone through are the same or very similar to the stages other men who have been making similar trips to Thailand have gone through.
This is my 7th trip to Thailand. I am here in Pattaya making this submission. As I reflect upon previous trips I can see that my mindset is in a different place than what it was after the first five trips. Over time I have stopped wanting to stay here permanently and give up my life in the western world. I have come to the realisation that my life here as a “2 week millionaire” is only made possible – enabled by my full time life as an average man in the western world with a good job and good but not great salary. I have come to the conclusion the incredible life I am able to live in Thailand comes at a price – continuing to work in the western world and making short twice a year trips to Thailand. Doing it any other way comes at too high a price. I would be mortgaging my future for cheap beer and dare I use the word – hookers. I have just turned 37. If I were to stop working in the west now I would be foregoing a lot of income and wealth accumulation and for what? So I can stay in paradise longer and have paradise become boring like life is in the West? Humans adapt to whatever environment they find themselves in and I'm certain my life would become boring here in Thailand if I were to stay here full time at this age. Short trips it is then and the piper must be paid.
With sincerest thanks to my friend The Drifter who's currently in Vietnam but dreaming of Thailand for sparking this submission.
Until next time – all the best Gentlemen!
The Pretender
gd one
I appreciate your insight and honesty about your experience. From the time we are young we experience life and pain in life, and we learn to adapt ways to avoid that pain. Sometimes what we adapt can get us through difficult experiences because it affects our brain chemistry as you mention, but doesn't solve the underlying problems. I think learning to adopt healthy and balanced approaches to managing pain or loneliness in our lives can be a great benefit and bring about a greater joy in life than consistently going back to the things we know are the quick fix. Soon, as you describe even after your second trip back to thailand, the quick fixes aren't as uplifting. Our minds also as you mention become fixated on that fix, even when we aren't involved with it. It takes some real work and dedication to finding better solutions. I myself have only begun this journey and am near your age. I too have become focused on this type of travel and the wonderful feelings it gives me. It has changed my life. I recently quit my job and started my own company. I'm learning to give back to myself in positive ways that create value in my life. I have met other men who have no relationship with a female who are more positive about life than I think I could ever be. I have a long way to go, but I think the journey is an important one.
Thank you for your comments and feedback here. I wish you happiness and I wish you well in your travels.
Great article