Leave Me Alone

A little thing I wrote when I was feeling down a few years ago. I think I was just lonely.

I don't know why people always ask me if I'm okay. Why do I look so sad, or mad? As if they'd even understand why. As if they even know me enough to know. As if they could make it better in any way. Why ask when there's nothing you could do about it? You can't even listen because I can't even explain it. I just I come here and I feel heavy I randomly break down in tears when no ones watching and I'm tired. I can't explain to you why because I don't understand why. I have no thoughts in my head other than "don't cry." If I even began to try and talk about it I'd probably just be interrupted by my tears. I can't even get the words out of my mouth. Whatever they would be. I'm tired of your questions but I can't even hide how I feel to make you stop asking. All I have to do is stay strong long enough to tell you I'm okay and hope you give up on trying to make me better because you won't. You can't. No one can but me when I figure out what it even is I'm going through. My mind is blank, but maybe I just have so many thoughts that I can't even hear them anymore. Maybe that's the heaviness, the tiredness, the tears. My words trying to become something, manifest themselves somehow. Breakthrough the loud silence.

7/14/16

I never really wanted them to give up on me.