Once Affair, Again Affair - Forever Unfaithful?
Foreigners are often stigmatized for being unfaithful to others. Once you lie, you do not believe it. Stupid, but true. And most of the time it's even true. But we also deal with the assumption that someone who has once gone astray will do this again and again. In my practice , I often deal with people who can not get rid of the ghosts of the past.Is every person who has ever gone astray a repeat offender? Will you really never get out of this number again? Are you forever unfaithful?At least the personal environment often behaves like that, so you would have licked blood.
After cheating friends are often funny
Is cheating perhaps contagious? Sometimes friends behave weird after an affair becomes known. Often they fear for their own relationship, just as if the partner could thereby come up with an idea that he could never have come to by himself. Foreigners are mentally contagious, you might think. Sometimes you get the impression that not only did you make a misstep and you made a terrible mistake, but that your identity would have to get a new description.
Cheater!
Cheating is not a misstep that happens to you, but it changes your life. It sticks to your sole forever like dog dung. You did not behave badly, but you as a person stink somehow.
Is the theory of the overcome inhibition threshold valid?
Is that like killing? Once the soldier has overcome the inhibition threshold, he can shoot people again and again. Once I cheated on my partner, can I do it again and again?
How can you be sure that no one else is being cheated?
If you want to be sure if your partner is going to go back, then here comes the sad news: Unfortunately, there is no guarantee. But instead of paying attention to scorched earth, you can see what is psychologically recognizable. Emotional distancing is almost always preceded by alienating .But not only that.
There are signs that should make you think
Being a stranger is not a trait or a description of identity. There are essentially people whose values do not attach great importance to loyalty, commitment and monogamy. Fun, adventure and freedom are much more important. If you are in a relationship with such a person, you know quite early what you are. Of course he or she will not commit himself permanently. Then there are those who have gone astray for whatever reason. One part of it will do it again, the other one will not. But what can you tell if your partner is one of those who are forever unfaithful after the first cheating?
Cheating always begins with a withdrawal from mutual liability. Most of the one wants to be too close or sex and crushes the other. Then the escape is started and instead of reflecting on yourself, you prefer to flirt. Because if I have the feeling that my partner is keeping me close, I would actually need time and space for myself. It would be necessary to think about who I am and what makes me different when I am not "us". Mostly we can not do that and prefer to get easily digestible descriptions of our own selves from the outside. When flirting, of course, you hear sugary descriptions of your self.
Mostly it's usually about cheating not only about sex, but mostly about getting serious and being perceived by another person. If someone is really interested in you, it'll kill you. Affairs rarely begin with an erotic offer. Infidelities are usually a hunger for relationship, to be looked after and feel welcome.But what do you realize that your partner is just emotionally away from you and on the hunt for the puzzle particles of your own self?Forget everything that is static! If = then there is not in this context. Only behavioral changes are important.
Which 12 changes in behavior should alert you?
1. Confirmation viewfinder
A study (conducted in the unitet states) proves that especially insecure people urgently seek confirmation from the opposite sex. They strive for good feelings in others when there is just too little confirmation in their own partnership. This type of person is a stranger if there is something urgently to be clarified at home. When I travel like this, I love to pour my heart out to all people who cross my path. This seems quite distant and anyone who listens to me may take one or more steps with me.
2. Alcohol-to-dehumidify users
I would not go so far as to say that alcohol leads to cheating. But in most cases that come to my ears, one or the other had had a drink.
3. Cell Phone Guard
If my cell phone is my tool to organize my secrets, then of course I have to carry this thing with me. My password is secret, my phone is worn on the body. At night put under the pillow. In no case left open. On the other hand, of course, no one is automatically strangers just because privacy is important to him.
4. Secret Keeper
I only tell the bare essentials within the relationship, and I answer questions as briefly as possible. The less you know about me, the less you can prove to me that there may be inconsistencies.
5. Sweetheart Baby
Do you know that? You get to know someone who can not remember your name but immediately calls you sweeter, mouse or something like that? I'll do it, so I do not chatter and do not confuse the first names.
6. Munchhausen-lying baron
It takes a lot of effort to lie properly. Either you have a lot of practice in it and also a good memory, a blooming fantasy or you fly up. So if you find your partner again and again that even convincing recited mundane things afterwards were not consistent, you should be careful. Your lover will probably be dishonest even faster on serious issues.
7. Free bird
I just can not tie myself properly, how can I know that you are the right person? I have to compare. Or it is too close to you. Maybe I have one or the other binding disorder !
8. Ping-pong player
Even if you should catch me flirting, I'm unimpressed and explain why this looks just like that, but it's not. Either your observation is not right or you made me do it or the other one was guilty and tricked me.
9. Theme changer
I am a master of associative communication arts. If my partner comes up with a suspicion on me, I wind up elegantly out of the matter. I will not look into the cards. This is a bit like bluffing or what the bullfighter does with the bull. My favorite technique here is to answer you seemingly, but to put a very different detail in the center, as myself. And we talk about the neighbors, the society or the weather. I feel modulated, criticized and observed by you. I'm not up for it, even if I'm really screwed up.
10. Pike Turners
I elegantly let my partner run into emptiness by shifting focus, and then we usually talk about one of your shortcomings, you begin to explain yourself, squirm and justify. I will not let you out of this number anymore. I'll keep trying until you're tired of talking to me about your real concern. I just do not feel like admitting mistakes. But I make these mistakes abundantly.
11. Higher-better-deeper or something
If I want to be the best everywhere, it can mutate into a way of life. So I can go for the conquering will to stalk. It's more about keeping your market value high and defining how often you've been flirted or flirted with. This can feel like a rush of happiness. An infidelity in this case fosters my own self-esteem.
12. Kick viewfinder
I feel livelier when my adrenaline level is high. Then I love not only parachute jumps, risky sports, aggressive cars or motorcycling, but also everything else that helps me to feel livelier. I probably do that in most areas of life. The riskier an infidelity is, the more enticing it seems to me.
My partner has new habits that scare me
All these behavioral changes I have observed with strangers. But beware, in reverse, that does not mean that anyone who changes behavioral habits is automatically a stranger !!! To regard this as arbitrary would strengthen the stigma, see shoe soles, but does not really help in reality. If you observe changes in your partner's behavior and have been cheated before, you should talk to your partner. Do not let go, but ask, until you understand what moves your partner.
Then you can calmly consider whether you can and want to live with it. Maybe you are injured and jealous, too ? Then it may be good if somebody would let you look at your partnership.There are no guarantees. Loyalty is an individual value. Some also say, a cultural record.
But by no means everyone is constantly alien, which has happened before. Not everyone was looking for an affair. Many people get into strange situations. Others seek comfort and security in a hopeless situation.
I've been cheated before... and now I'm happy to be single. I couldn't care less about dating or marrying or having kids. Maybe I got too bruised already, I don't know. I simply know that I don't care about that kind of life anymore...
Congratulations on being featured by @chekohler in an entry for the Pay It Forward Contest
Dealing with a cheating partner is not easy and probably one of the greatest betrayls many of us will go through and it can be really damaging. But what I've realisd is its more a reflection on the cheater than the person being cheated on and as much as it hurts its a painful lesson that wil spare you and serve you better in the future
I enjoyed your post so much I decided to nominate it as my @pifc [submission post of the week](https://steemit.com/payitforward/@chekohler/week-54-pay-it-forward-curation-entry). You can find out more about the curation program [here](https://steemit.com/payitforward/@pifc/week-54-pay-it-forward-curation-contest) and you're welcome to join us every week
Thanks you so much @chekohler. I am really honored reading your words. How can I join and submit entries please?
Yes. By all means! You can start now or next week! Just follow the @pifc account for the weekly post and join in
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Very interesting, the 'other' point a view. I liked it actually. I can't say if I have cheated... if you're separated and getting a divorce, does that count?
You were featured in week 53 of @pifc's Pay It Forward Curation Contest by @chekohler. @pifc is a Pay It Forward Community which believes in by helping others grow we build a stronger community. We run this contest each week, it is open to everyone. It's a great way to show off people you find that might need some more exposure or meet new people.