In a world where a good, loyal and faithful man is a scarce commodity, women are making it hard on themselves to find love with a good man. It is hard enough to find a good man and to open up yourself enough to be in a relationship with him, complicating things with some of the old wives tales that serve to keep women on the defensive even before a man comes into their lives.
These lies give women a wrong impression of men and what they are looking out for in a relationship and with that, most women end up losing their chances of having an awesome relationship with an awesome man. Every man is different. Learn to know your man before you begin to judge and put up defenses. You could be making a mountain out of a molehill.
The funny but not funny thing about these assumptions women have when it comes to men is that the assumptions started being drummed into them at an early age. When I say early, I don’t mean when they became teenagers; I mean as early as five-years-old when they are in Kindergarten. Even at that young age, their impressionable mind has already been told that boys are bad news. How is a woman expected to be open-minded about men when her best friend has been warning her about boys and their trickery from when she was 5. And where did a five-year-old learn all about men and their trickery?
You guessed right. From overhearing conversations between mom and her girlfriends.
Now, your best friend has warned you already when you were in Kindergarten. Now you are just budding and hitting puberty, and it’s Thanksgiving with all the family members. One of your older aunts has noticed that you are becoming ripe and she decides that it’s time you learn about boys and their tricks. Remember that you already know this, but you listen because you don’t want to be the fool taken in by a boy’s promises which aren’t worth shit anyway.
After your aunt has told you all about men, one of your older cousins also decides to give you her own version of the same old story. Now, why would you not believe them when everywhere you turn the same thing is being told to you by everybody. There is just no way everyone would be lying about this.
Before long, you are the one giving out the same old “wise” advice to the younger generation. In thinking that we have each other’s backs, we women have been giving ourselves the same old advice about men over and over again. Although it is done with good intentions, we are doing the younger generation of women a great wrong by feeding them these “truths” because some of them are lies. These lies aren’t the innocent kind either. These lies are the ones that can cause a huge hindrance to a woman finding and keeping love.
In this article today, we are going to discuss three of the worst lies and why they are lies. Read on below to discover how wrong we have been in our blind assumptions.
1. MEN WOULD SAY AND DO ANYTHING TO HAVE SEX WITH A WOMAN
This one was probably said to you by your mother. It feels like this is the default speech given to every girl once she hits puberty. Don’t ever believe a man and his compliments. They don’t want you; they just want to have sex with you so don’t ever let them touch you. Way to teach our girls to devalue themselves even before other people do it for them. With this statement alone, you have taught your daughter and your friend and your niece that all she is, is an object of sexual pleasure.
Her mind and heart is not what a man wants, only her body. So, she isn’t even going to look for a better man who would value her mind, her personality and her other attributes because she has been taught that the only part of a woman that is attractive to a man is her body and that is wrong. This lie only serves to teach our daughters that a man is only coming for her because he thinks that he can deceive her into giving it up. Why would she not develop some sort of hatred or prejudice against men?
This particular advice is a huge no-no because it not only sets our daughters on the defensive path even before they meet a man, it also makes them not place a lot of stock in important things like a wonderful personality, intelligence and a sharp mind. Don’t leave your daughters with the opinion that all men are only out for one thing, their vaginas. Teach your daughter that her vagina is a small part of her not what defines her. She is more than her vagina.
Besides men don’t just want a dumb woman in their lives. After all, they aren’t going to have sex 24/7. They would at some point have a conversation. Men want a woman that is the combination of smart, beautiful, confident, authentic, and passionate.
2. MEN ARE NOT READY TO SETTLE DOWN FOR ANY REASON.
The only thing that a man wants is sex, sex, sex, and more sex. Apart from the fact that this advice portrays men as a group of sex crazed nymphomaniacs, it is wrong. Granted, there are certain men who only want to have sex and not commit to a serious relationship, but there are the exceptions to the rule. Come to think of it, if men only wanted to have sex without a relationship or without making any commitment of any kind then why are there married couples? I mean if all a man wanted was sex, he can get it anywhere, and he need not marry or date anybody to get it. He can just go out there and hook up with someone, do the deed and just go on his merry way.
What does this lie do to our ladies? It puts them on the defensive, that’s what and more than that, it teaches them not to expect more than a good time between the sheets from a man. So, when ladies don’t know that they should expect more from their men how then do they demand for more? This sad advice has left many a woman bitter and disillusioned about relationships. We tear our daughters down before any man out there gets a chance to do it.
Frankly, with this type of advice, I wonder why anyone tries to go on a date. Just find a bedroom, have a good time between the sheets and go your separate ways. The truth is that men are not afraid to commit to a serious relationship, they just do it a lot differently from the women. Men want to be 100% sure. They want to be sure that they are in for the long haul. They want to be certain that they can live with all your little quirks that even the society might not find adorable. They don’t want to change you they want you just as you are.
Now women, on the other hand, can say yes to a relationship but then make a whole list of the things they want to change about their men. Men are not the same. A man wants to be able to say to his friends that he loves how his woman’s beaches are quite loud even if they think that it’s weird. He wants to be sure that he finds your snoring adorable and that he loves how you dip your cookie into the glass of milk before eating it. He wants to know that he loves those little things before he commits.
The fact is that very few men enter a relationship with a list of things that they intend to change about their partners unlike their female counterparts who have a long list of things to change, a list as long as Rumpelstilskin’s list of names.
So, women just know that a man isn’t there for the sex alone. He wants quality friendship and a woman whom he is sure of before he fully commits to you. Stop seeing yourself as a walking vagina. When he is good and ready and sure that he likes everything you have and all the shades of you, he will commit, fear not.
Now, for the last lie of the 3.
3. MEN ARE ONLY ATTRACTED TO YOUNGER GIRLS AND NOT WHEN THEY ARE THEIR AGEMATES.
The thing about this third lie is that you have seen it over and over again. It’s not something that someone told you or several someones told you. You have seen this happen to your age mates, your own friends, a friend of a friend and so on and so forth.
Their husbands are hitting the mid-life crises stage, getting divorced and going out with younger women half their ages while their wives are left a bitter mess, dealing with their divorce and trying to pick up the reins of their broken family and raise their children. At this point you probably go, oh my God, I guess my Aunt Florence was right. Men always want the hotter women.
And when this has happened to one or two of your friends, it changes the dynamic of your family’s happiness and peace because you are highly strung waiting for the day your own man comes home with a request for a divorce.
That is for the married women, and well, according to statistics, 60% of all the divorces that occur later in life are instigated by the women.
Now, for the single ladies, you just have been told that a man your age would most likely be with a younger woman so do you feel afraid that no man your age would want to be with you?
Do you constantly question your attractiveness? Are you always afraid that you have lost your appeal in his eyes and are you always needing him to validate his feelings for you so that you can put your own insecurities to rest? At some point, your partner is going to be fed up with your constant insecurity and need for validation. He might get so pissed off that he would leave the relationship. No one wants to be with someone who does not trust them. It is tiring and annoying.
The truth is that when men date younger women, they do it because they want to be able to impress them. Older men are feeling their ages, and a younger woman makes them want to feel like they are reliving their youthful days. It is a futile attempt to be young again although the adoration of the younger girls does go a long way in tempting them. He is not dating that younger woman because you don’t look attractive anymore or because you are now an old lady.
No, it is because he just wants to recapture his youth and being with a younger women seems to give him that. The woman does not even matter, what matters to him is that she admires him and strokes his ego very much. That’s all he wants out of that relationship. Stop feeling unattractive, a man wants loyalty and love in the long run. Give that to him, stroke his ego and make him feel young again and you are good.
If you are a victim of these 3 vicious lies, then hopefully your eyes have been opened by this article, and you can see that your assumptions have been wrong. Let go of them today and internalize the following truths in replacement.
1. Men enjoy sex and women want it too. That is also not all that he wants; he also wants communication, a good partner love, and intimacy. He wants the entire package so be patient with him while he learns who you are
2. A man doesn’t just want to play the field; he also wants to have a long forever kind of relationship with one woman who could be you. Don’t lose your chance because of the wrong assumptions you have been taught. Be his partner, be his rock, be his home, be his happy place and you would see everything you thought existed only in fairy tales come true in your life. Make him a King and be his Queen.
3. Men aren’t that hard to figure out. Granted, they are a lot different from women but are much more simple in their desires and needs. Get to know the way their kinds work and then work from there.
Let go of these old lies and teach your daughters better so that they can be the woman that their dream man wants to have.
Sources : http://www.youcantbreakme.co/love/3-lies-women-tell-themselves-about-men-thats-keeping-them-away-from-finding-keeping-love/
We’d love to hear your views on this … ( Reply )
good point
i just want to chime in with an actual man's perspective
your mother, and aunties, and cousins weren't entirely wrong
there absolutely are men who objectify women, who will never commit to a relationship, and who are seeking younger more attractive partners
the take-away needs to be to identify and avoid these traps that will not result in a satisfying end. your mom was right to give you the warnings, but perhaps not well versed enough in proper conversation and education on the topic to relay the full implications and details to you
it's never too late to change your mindset, though. the you of today is only a shadow of the you tomorrow. be confident and go
Good post.
Reality is better than prejudice.
Prejudice keep away you from reality is the REALITY.
very good post
As human beings we were NOT designed to ALWAYS in LONG Term relationships that are not teaching us lessons. ~ MOOJI
Nice one
Such a true and good post. Waiting for more
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I really enjoyed reading your post. And it is so true about how we are programmed so young to think the worst of the men we are supposed to trust to provide for us for life.
Wowww! This got me nodding in agreement;-
*Definitely Dear! Women are more than vagina. Absolutely true, all a man wants is a woman that is the combination of smart, beautiful, confident, authentic, and passionate. That is what drives a man Honey.
Beautiful post! Keep steeming Dear.
Wow.. Nice one.