This is a very sad story that has changed my whole life. I was 15, he was 17. We met in ICQ, when I was exhausted from idleness behind my computer. I found it, it happened quite by accident, without any purpose. He said that he has a girlfriend and I was going to remove him, because I was sure that he would be against talking to me. But to my surprise, he wrote to me the next day. And then again and again ... We have many common themes. I saw that he was interested in me, and I was interested in him, but we communicated only as friends. He continued to meet with his girlfriend and told me a lot about her. I became a good friend for him. We did not have an opportunity to exchange photos, so we limited ourselves to describing each other.
Six months passed and I realized that I was very attached to him. We talked almost every day, especially often at night. Then he said that he had parted with his girlfriend and asked to meet with him in real life. I agreed.
When I saw him, I thought that I was representing him a little differently, and I did not like him. But I could not leave, so I asked to take me home and supposedly take a walk. He agreed and after a while began to hug me and tried to kiss me. I realized that I liked him. As a result, for the first time in my life, I kissed a boy with whom I had been communicating in ICQ for six months, and I did not like it so much in real life. That night, I could not fall asleep, I thought about it, about the kiss.
After that he began to write to me even more often. I also corresponded with him, I, as before, was interested. And then I decide, without understanding why, to contact his ex-girlfriend. I find it in the social network and add it to it. And as it turned out, at the time of our first meeting with him they still met, but now they continue to communicate. I was very surprised, I could not understand why he did it. She told him that I wrote to her. Learning about this, he was very angry with me and wrote that they do not do this, you could tell me, we will not talk any more. After reading this message, it became ridiculous - and yes, please. But a week passed and he wrote to me again. I wrote that I did not meet her, and wanted to communicate with me. I forgave him, and we again began to communicate.
This year he graduated from high school, and he had to decide in which city he would continue his studies. During another conversation on the phone, he said that he would go to Kiev. From the place where we live, it's quite far and go there to study only a few.
Summer came and we often met. I changed my attitude to him, I realized that he was very nice to me and was surprised that he might not like me at the first meeting. So the summer was coming to an end, and we had an affinity, he was the first.
He went to study in another city. And I thought that I would forget him, but he did not let me forget about myself. He also continued to communicate with me. Once I asked if we would meet with him. And he said yes. I was very happy and looked forward to meeting.
A year has passed since I finished school. Summer came and he came home. We began to see each other often, but he did not meet with me. I came to study in another city, and he said that he did not want a relationship from a distance. Then I did not understand that it was not a matter of distance. I often cried, I said how I love. He saw it all and said: "I am communicating with you." He changed his attitude towards me: on the one hand he talked to me the same way as before, and on the other - very often he did not answer my calls, he said he was busy, was with friends, etc. I fell madly in love, and he just used me, came when he needed. And I could not refuse him.
This went on for three years. We talked, met on vacation, when both came home. He did not start a new relationship and I did not have anyone. I always loved, I waited and kept loyalty to him alone. All the time I thought that he would come to his senses and say: "Let's be together." But this did not happen.
At the end of the third year of university he had a girlfriend. She was from our village, and is still studying at school, finishing 11th grade. I could not understand what she had hooked on him, what he saw in her, which is not in me.
I stopped eating, drinking, sleeping. I literally ceased to exist for myself and for others. He removed me from all social networks. I could not and can not now believe that it happened, that nothing will happen again. I can not believe that I will not see his kind favorite eyes. He's a special person, I've never met anyone like that. I will never forget the day when I learned that he is no longer alone. He simply went to her without calling, without writing, without saying anything goodbye. I sincerely wish him happiness, even though he has hurt me so much. How agonizingly the rest of the summer passed for me. I wanted to go to Moscow as quickly as possible, although I knew that this would not help.
I was trying to start a new life. I wanted to have as little free time as possible. I took up my studies, got a job, signed up for a dance. But it did not help either.
Four months as he is with her, and I'm still suffering. You see, such longing for a person that everything inside is breaking, I can not believe that this is all with me. I know that he is not worthy of me or my tears. I realize that he never loved me, only used it when he needed it. Just do not understand why it was so painful. I think if he had left then I would have forgotten it. I am very sorry that I met him, that I trusted him. I regret the uselessly lost years of my life. I know that she had to leave, but she could not. I loved him very much, and now I love him.
There were always a lot of guys around me. But I can not start a relationship with anyone, no matter how hard I tried. I always think about him, I imagine him when there is another guy next to me. It seems that I will never be able to love anyone as I once fell in love with him. I truly loved. I do not believe in love the way God created it. I suffered with him, but without him it became even worse.
Now to me of 19 years and for me the life has lost sense.
That was touching. I have a friend who's passed exactly through the same experience as you,but I can only tell you what I told him: move on and try to live life again. I know it's never easy but it's part of life.