I wrote an article yesterday, finance and romance, and I got some interesting feedback. So I'm just going to piggyback on some of the issues I raised in the article.
So I will be 25 in a couple of months and I'm not in any romantic relationship (and yes it is by choice). Personally, I see romance as a form of distraction, something I do in my spare time. I don't see myself ever getting married because I don't fully grasp the concept of marriage. I think fundamentally two individuals come together to procreate--that's the essence of the union. Love, on the other hand, is something so vague I can't place. What do you mean when you say you love somebody? How tangible is the said love? Is it just an emotion or duty to someone else?
Like I mentioned earlier I am at an age where most people are either in a serious relationship or intending to marry. One of my major excuse for being single is that I cannot afford love. I'm too much of a romantic for my tight budget. And like most people would say that love is about giving and I love to give a lot but fortunately, I have a lot of responsibilities now I cannot forgo for love. And moreover, who wants to date a broke nigga?
I've been in far too many relationships to believe that love conquers everything. Even if not from my personal experience, I have seen firsthand experiences that have made me accept the harsh reality, which is that love is economical.
I knew a guy in church when I was still quite young--about seventeen or so--who loved this lady, in the same church. I think they were in a relationship for quite some time. However, this said young man had issues--financial issues. He didn't have a good job. He was also staying with his parents who actually kicked him out since, in their own terms, he wasn't serious with his life. My family ended up accommodating him for some time. During this period, his supposed girlfriend got married to an older man in the church. She wasn't working at that point and there was a lot of pressure from home. Her aunt was making her life unbearable, so to escape everything she married the older man. Some months later the young man who she clearly loved got a better job and from what I heard is doing pretty well for himself now. I can't say the same for the young lady because ever since she married the older man her countenance changed. For someone who just got married, you would expect to see her all bubbly but the opposite was the case. This is one of those many cases where people sabotage their happiness for financial gains.
Most people have told me that I can not be happy in a relationship without money, which honestly isn't a total lie. But then, it raises another question, if I need money to find love then of what use is it? I can simply buy it. If people will only respect and love me because of the size of my pocket, then of what use is their love? I probably should just buy a better love knowing fully well that none of it is real.
I am not one of those people who believe that they need other people to be happy. I'm comfortable with myself. I have a wonderful family that I love. People who have been with me through thick and thin, and that for me is the kind of love I need. I didn't lose my family because things are difficult for me, they care about me regardless and it is not like I'm the best brother or son. How does one even feel knowing that their financial status is the major reason why someone wants to be with them? What happens when you lose it all? How do you sleep knowing fully well that the person you claim to love and who claims to love you too might leave for the next person that offers them a better life than you can afford? It is not a place you want to be. Trust me, I have been there.
I know I will be financially stable, it is only a matter of time. However, the only people who are truly going to matter to me are the people who care about me now when everything seems almost hopeless and I can tell you they are very few. But I still consider it a blessing. I don't envy most people who have it all because most times it is hard to pick those who care about them.
Anyway, I'm in a good mood this evening. My football team, Liverpool, won their match today and I am excited. I leave you guys with these thoughts.
©nonsowrites
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If you're broke, your woman will most likely dump you if you have one. And if you don't have one, you won't find one, unless you're some kind of a sociopath who can charm the pants off women in a way comparable to the way a burglar is able to pick a lock. If you are a guy of average means and there is nothing particularly wrong with you, you'll land a woman eventually. If you're a rich man, you'll be having to chase them off with a stick. Of course, you wouldn't be able to get any women but there would be plenty available to you.
Indeed, love is not real in the sense that there is no metaphysical bond between any two people. Love exists for a distinct purpose and that is to pump two members of opposite sexes full of hormones to get them together to procreate. Such a powerful chemical cocktail is necessary because procreation involves a huge deal of sacrifice in a multitude of forms. Consider what your father had to do to put food on the table for his family, for example.
The entire landscape of emotions and responses we have in our love lives is a set of adaptations to the needs of procreation. It's all fundamentally about a very long chain of molecules inside your cells wanting to make copies of itself. Life experiences and particularly models learned as a child go into it but they are mere variations of the same eternal themes.
Money is vital because procreation is expensive, pure and simple. By and large, women are right to love men for their resources. Everything women love about men, every character trait or physical attribute is, at its root, based on adaptations to improve the odds of survival for the children. High social rank potential, mainly being composed of high self-confidence and instinct for dominance, intelligence, physical stature etc., emotional strength or emotional intelligence are all traits increasing the odds of survival.
Once you have procreated with someone, it tends to deepen the bond between the two of you. But it's different from what you may think. When you and your partner become parents, odds are that your romantic relationship will turn for the worse. In fact, it is nearly guaranteed between sleep deprivation, increased mandatory expenses and having whole new range of things to argue about, namely how your children should be raised. All the hustle and pressure will most likely take a toll on the love and respect you have for your spouse. The children become the focus at that point. For some people, their relationships continue to work satisfactorily for decades but for an awful lot they become quite unsatisfying or even somewhat dysfunctional. Hence the high divorce rate in developed countries. Regardless of culture, economic growth and development cause or rather allow the divorce rate to skyrocket from the very low figures in poor and backward countries.
Choosing your spouse right is rocket science. There are so many things to consider, some of which only tend to cause problems over time. Young people with little life experience have no way of understanding how at least not without input from thoughtful and caring older people whose opinions they are likely to ignore anyway. Another thing is that most people keep their dysfunctions hidden until they have their partners already committed to them. That's how abusers latch onto their victims. There are so many things that can go wrong from simple incompatibility that is nobody's fault to outright abuse or immorality.
No one should ever consider making a life-long commitment to anybody at least without gaining considerable self-knowledge and living their early adulthood on their own and becoming fully independent from their parents in every way. That includes recognizing any harmful programming in themselves by learning from bad example in their early years and learning how to undo it.
When a man is young, his hormones will very strongly push him into relationships. Women, too, but to a lesser degree for emotional reasons and to some degree for utility. Have you ever wondered why so many men and boys in particular are fascinated by robots whereas most women are bored to tears by the subject? That's because women already have their robots in men. What the brightest of men have come up with so far are ridiculous contraptions compared to the marvelous sophistication of men if you look at them from that perspective. Nature has it that most men voluntarily become servants of women. That is how our species makes new generations.
If you very badly want children of your own, go ahead find a woman to have a family with. But if not, if your purpose in life is something else, you are going to have to think very clearly about the parameters of your relationships with women.
Leaving someone you can claim to care about because of money is trash. No amount of science or logic will justify that.
Then what do homosexuals feel? Humans are not the only animals that portray homosexual traits. And homosexuality has been declassified as a mental illness so we cannot categorize it as such. So what would justify the purpose of same-sex relationships?
Northern Nigeria happens to be the most impoverished region in Nigeria but people keep popping kids like pills. Like I said earlier nothing justifies leaving someone for money. This is 2019. The template for evolution and natural selection (or whatever they call it) has changed. It is no longer about survival. People have the luxury of comfort, women are in better positions then they were years ago, so it is more of a level playing field now. The dynamics have changed--is changing. Maslow hierarchy of needs encapsulates this. As we advance our needs change, so you don't expect the template for evolution to remain the same. Ordinarily, people had sex to procreate, now most people have sex for pleasure. And one can have sex without procreating. Change. We've separated biological functions from their main purpose. We've done that medicine, technology and a lot of other things.
There are women willing to be with men of lower status. These category of women are in position of power can afford to do so. The vast majority of women who have this dependency mentality are backward thinking and usually cannot cater for themselves.
Personally, I believe if you care about something you care about it regardless. I'm not an Ape driven by my primitive instincts, although they still have some bearing on actions. However, what has been learned and encoded in our DNA can be decoded and reconfigured over time. The learning process is not static. I'm a homo sapien, a higher and more complex being.
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Well I've repeated love in cycles and I discovered that sometimes loneliness, being broke and deserted makes one want to have someone and trust me, it doesn't end well, I've been in three relationships, it ended badly for me, however sometimes it isn't really the money o, I'm the sad one, Chelsea my team lost,
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Love is more needed than money.
Read the article (if you can)
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This is one of the things you cannot rush or expect to happen when wanting it; it will eventually come and you will know. That which is true would last past rich or poor.
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I want to believe that time would be a defining factor when it comes to choosing a spouse. I don't think I will ever settle down but like they say, never say never.
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