Many of us have read novels and watched movies about how people selflessly fall in love. However, in real life that never seems to be the case. Everybody wants something. Sometimes it takes us ages to find out what we want ourselves, let alone what others want or expect of us!
In the real world, men fall in love with women on account of how attracted they are to them. Let's say you like her eyes, you like her smile, you like the way she talks to you, or maybe she's just good in bed. My point being, it's not selfless. We always want something.
The same goes for women. They see a man who is handsome, tall, successful, rich or maybe just good in bed. Mind you, I'm not saying there is anything wrong about this. If two people are attracted to one another, that's what counts. The reasons that connect them, maybe not so much. However, my point stands: it's not 'true love' or selfless love.
Absolutely it does exist. It is very difficult to attain, and many don't. But I can assure you that it does. I am married to my wife now for 19 year. My feelings for her have grown each year to surpass what I believed was the most possible each of the previous years. We are each individuals, and individuals will have differences, but love prevails as partners find a way to resolve differences, which are an inevitable occurrence.
I'm with you, @danthegreat! Didn't think I was "cut out" for long-term relationships after 2 marriages and many other "failed" relationships, but it turns out that I was never deeply motivated by a desire to authentically connect and grow with another human being. All of my previous motivations had been superficial, at least until my current partner. We've had lots of growing pains that have deepened our love and our relationship. It has been super-hard internal work, but well worth it!
I don't think there was ever such a thing as selfless or unconditional love. I have mind-blowingly fantastic love in my life but it is made better by the honesty it rests upon. That honesty includes a mutual acceptance and understanding that we earn one another's love every day.
Now that's what I'm talking about!
There is true love. In my language there is 2 different words for that. 1. is unconditional love no matter what and 2. is falling in love with someone. In english language this word is the same - love.
How is one different from the other?
One is conditional love and the other is not :) But it can happen some transition from conditional to uncoditional love.
it depends on persons ( partner)
So you disagree that we all want something?
I think that initially something such as appearance, status, wealth, meeting circumstances etc triggers and entices us to approach the person of interest but I also feel that through time of getting to know that person is what ultimately defines where the relationship will end up.
Of course it exists. A lot of people have been happily married for a long time. My wife and I have been married for 23 years. She's my best friend. There's nobody that I trust more.
The problem today is that too many young people are promiscuous. The more sexual partners you have the less you will bond with the one you love. Worse yet, every woman seems the same after awhile if you go that route.
I agree, barncat