How I found love in the Strangest Place
Timid. Scared. Shy.
That's who I was and more.
As a child brought up by a single parent, low self-esteem was my companion.
I hated myself for everything.
I had (still do) a soft and calm voice.
My body and physique wasn't structured like that of other boys.
I was taunted by friends and family for not being like "other boys"
"Why God no create you as woman" was one question I struggled to answer every day of my miserable life.
So, I grew up always desiring to be like others.
There was nothing admirable about me (so I thought)
There was a time, I used the money my cousin gave me to buy stuff to buy a birthday gift for a friend.
I also remember the time I bought a birthday gift for a friend who never showed up to receive it.
During the birthday of my friends, I would buy them very expensive gifts.
But during my birthday, there was nobody to even wish me a happy birthday.
There was a time I even thought of killing myself when during my birthday, I didn't get a call or message from any of my friends.
I was terribly depressed.
I yearned for friendship and acceptance from others.
While in school, I was the nice guy who would practically do anything for others but never thought of myself.
Even when I questioned my sanity and wondered why I was not loved by others, my religious beliefs reminded me that I was supposed to LOVE others and lay down my life for them.
The first time I went into a relationship with a girl, we broke up after a month. Exactly 30 days.
This made me go deep down into low self esteem.
I thought that it was my fault and that I wasn't good enough.
I won't forget the day I gave a friend money to buy food while I trekked home.
I did all these to get validation from people. I wanted be loved for goodness sake.
It took me a long long time to realize that I was in an abusive relationship with myself.
Then one fateful day, I decided to fall madly in love with myself.
All my life, I've been reading the verse, "love your neighbor" but I didn't pay attention to the part that says, "AS YOU LOVE YOURSELF".
That was the root of all my problems.
I've been busy loving others while neglecting myself.
Who does that?
Then I had to forgive myself for mistreating ME.
I forgave myself for neglecting my unique abilities and strength.
How can I even forget that while in school I was one of the most intelligent kid?
I came to accept myself for who I am and appreciated my voice, physique and everything that made me me.
I embraced possibilities, positivity and opportunities that supported my growth.
The phrase by John Obidi, "choose yourself" didn't make so much sense to me until I realized that self-care is not being selfish.
It is showing up for yourself, forgiving yourself, embracing your uniqueness and falling madly in love with yourself DAILY.
It is looking at yourself in the mirror and saying,
"I am enough"
"I am good enough"
"I am brilliant enough"
"I am man enough"
"I am beautiful/handsome enough"
"I am woman enough"
This means that you don't go into a relationship or partnership with anyone to be complete.
You are not broken and needs to be fixed.
Anyone who comes into your life is supposed to complement you and not complete you.
Because you are enough! You are unique and complete.
Most of the people who I was trying to impress now tell me, "Promise, you inspire me".
"Promise I wish to be like you"
"Promise, you are amazing"
Last year, I received a birthday message that got me in tears.
"You might not know, we really do admire you and all that you do. It's an honor to be your friend"
What happened?
Because, I found the greatest love of all inside of me.
I became my hero. I became my own rescue.
I came to realize that how you treat yourself is how others treat you.
I invested in myself massively. I read books, attended webinars/seminars/workshops, I watched videos, I took courses.
I built meaningful relationship with people who appreciate my worth and love me for who I am.
This did not happen in a day, week or year. It took me many many months of loving myself and adding value to myself daily.
Before anyone likes my post on Facebook, I am my biggest fan already.
I wake up every morning loving myself.
If you're in any abusive relationship with anyone, quit right now, cry like baby, wipe your tears and fall madly in love with yourself.
Then watch how the stone which the builders rejected will become the pillar of the building.
Have you ever been in an abusive relationship with yourself or anyone?
How did you overcome it?
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