Do what you do because you choose to do it
Do these words seem starling, Do they strike you as selfish? Let me suggest another one-word description of the concept: Authentic. Those who subscribe to this alternative may not find their behaviors changing much at all in given situations. but their alternatives? thats a very different matter.
I may choose, for instance to buy a birthday gift for my friend because i want to communicate how special this person is to me.
on the other hand, i could go out out and buy same gift and present it with same smiles because i feel he or she :expects" me to. I really don't want to buy anything. I cant afford it right now…. but i want the person to continue liking me.
Do you see the distinction? if i do something just because i feel someone expects me to, then i am likely to resent what i'm doing. But if i do it because i really want to do it , then i can accept full responsibility for my actions
This means that at times I will have to disagree with people, even at the risk of offending them. I will have to confront people, as graciously and tactfully as i can, with thoughts and statements that may cause them to back up a step or two. why do i do this? Because if i outwardly agree with someone, but inwardly disagree, i am sowing seeds of resentment in the relationship. those seed can grow into ugly seedlings, and then become poisonous, destructive plants. In other words, "faking it" or placating the other person to smooth over an awkward moments may be more destructive in a long run than by simply begin honest, even at the risk of embarrassment or offense.