Well dog, It hasn't gotten any better. My chick left me i dunno now a week or two ago. I ate a grip of pills to just get it over with on Tuesday, again cant do that right. I was pretty effed up for a few days. Then I was back to the same ol me again for 2 days this week.
Me and my ex have been talking. I have to meet her in the next town over to get her her belongings and she gives me one of our dogs back. Well, last night I got to thinking, shes playing me. Then my mind just started running wild. So I slept most the day to silence it.. Sidebar last week I had an epiphany about mental health and want to bring it more out in the open. I came up with a (imo great slogan) and was hella stoked and started research and found a senator here in calie is all about it. started a letter and my freaking head doesn't lemme finish a darn thing... back to today.
When I woke up i was sitting at the end of my bed and going to tell my ex, who says we are still together but somethings just are not lining up for that. It seems like shes playing me. So I told her in a txt I was gonna call I had something I needed to say. She says" ooh ominous sounding" I replied it was. After awakening I sat at the edge of the bed thinking. and I said eff it dont talk bout it be about it. and started a daily organizer for the next 4 days, well 3 actually cuz tomorrow is football. so I lined out what needed to be done each day. Nothing overwhelming and quite simple to complete. As I was doing it I started feeling great again. I have since been good.
All ,ost this whole year has been bad for my mental health. And I was in a very dark place and she was scared as hell. I killed this cat the night before and she saw me do it. I have no idea why I did it. And i feel so bad. Well that was the last straw and she bounced.
I actually dont blame her for leaving. I blame her for staying as long as she did. I would have left months ago. She was afraid. She is so beautiful and innocent in so many ways. I am a monster. I am working on myself, finding a psych, a therapist, getting back up meds which is just going to rob me of my creativity and who I am. But I dont want to hurt anyone or thing. I just want a simple life and some semblance of happiness.especially for those that love me.
I used this app called babalon top find a therapist and psych yesterday, and it was a waste of time and kinda screwed me up cuz I had to relive y life again. Im sick of it. And she said basically, dude youre way too effed up for me to help you here. LOL. Its whatever. But I am practicing just what you said @magnacarta getting back up after I fall down.
Just an hr ago I helped one of my oldest friends find a side hustle thats gonna be a pretty good gig for the guy. His appreciation was overwhelming. One question the woman asked me yesterday was, " what is one thing worth you staying alive for" me, nothing. As we talked I told her that I enjoy helping people through their stuff because I know the pain, I know the signs, and she said try that more or something. Well today was proof of that.
@magnacarta I appreciate you brother. Maybe more than you could understand.I return you the !luv TC my man. Be happy, be authentic.
I remember how it was when I got dumped by my girlfriend in a different life. I didn't see it coming, I was inexperienced in things of that nature, and I let myself be a basket case for close to 2 years then. At first it was genuine; the rest of that time (the majority of that period) I was miserable "just because"; that was a mistake because I didn't move on. It would be many years before I discovered "keep moving forward" (thanks Rocky Balboa (2006)).
We have things which cause of pain and keep us frustrated. We may always have those things, even if we find ways to diminish them. Ultimately, we just have to face those things head on, white knuckles and fear and all, and just say "Screw it" and push our way past it just to get on with the next moment of our lives.
It's like dealing with that ticking time bomb known as debt: we can pay it all at once if we can, or we can pay more for it later using the installment plan. No matter when we pay off that debt, it sucks and it's a bummer; it just sucks even more later, and by then it's more to pay off. It's best just to get through it and be done with it (at least until the next debt arrives).
I know it's a difficult situation for you right now, but I'm glad you're moving forward no matter what happens. We just take it a day at a time, and after a while the experience becomes a bad memory instead of a continuing bad experience. I don't have the answers, but sometimes it's the questions which are more important since they get us to realize things we hadn't realized before.
You have people in your life who care about you, even if they go about it through tough love. There are also people who support you in the world of bits and bytes, and no matter how different we are from each other, there are a few elements we share as human beings. If we can't understand, we can at least appreciate and empathize.
It's not good to go hungry, especially since that can lead to being hangry. Please accept this slice of !PIZZA to go with the bit of LUV from earlier.
I freaking love you dog!! ty
@yeti72, sorry! You need more $LUV to use this command.
The minimum requirement is 10.0 LUV in your liquid wallet.
More LUV is available from Hive-Engine or Tribaldex