Damn. I have a similar story (it's terrible that so many of us do) and often sweep my own experience under the rug. There's this feeling like "Oh, I wasn't actually raped, it would lessen the voices of the victims who had worse things happen to them."
But each instance of assault has an emotional impact. It was interesting to read how it affected you view of sex. The feeling of physical helplessness stuck with me most, of fighting back with all your might and feeling like you might as well be pushing against a brick wall. But I still haven't analyzed it much beyond that.
Thanks for breaking your silence, and for inspiring me to leave this comment instead of a more generic response. You're a beautiful writer.
Thank you @therovingreader :) I'm sorry you have a similar story, but I suppose now it is our job to make sure the next generation of women have less stories like us. This is part of my mission, at least.
I think that must be why I never talked about it. Being almost raped is certainly not the same as being raped, but I realize these days, thinking about it, it is something after all. It's not a comparison of actions. They are all just things that happened. Some fared worse than others. If you ever need a listener for your story, I am here.