I am going to say something controversial here but it sounds like you dont want to be anything except poor. It seems like you want to be poor in debt etc, with the world on your back sending criticism. You also rule out the opportunity of help and ideas. What I sense from this post is you are bitter at the world and like being bitter about it.
Poverty and the grind is unpleasant and limits your opportunities. Equally i feel excessive riches are disgusting. Its sad some struggle while others blow money on crap. But what i feel from this post is youre disgusted by money and your own power so much youve made it your enemy.
I dont rule out help and opportunites by saying "I have been reaching out to all possible avenues and help for over 9 years" How is that ruling that out, that is me working myself to de*th trying as hard as I can to find anything that could possibly work and after all that time nothing has so far, now I'm here seeing what can be made of this. You and I are not on the same page.
Ok. I apologise if you felt offended. I only meant it in good faith. I hope you find and get what you need from Steemit and anything else you work on