Very true @ssimkins9, I think that's a huge part of it. Losing all hope is freedom is a quote from fight club that seems odd at first but it actually makes sense in this context for me.
I just read, upvoted, and commented on your incredibly sincere and honest post. Thanks for sharing!
Just seeing this now. I can't believe I didn't catch the Fight Club reference myself. As soon as I read that I could hear it in Edward Norton's voice.
For me, it has been more of a deconstruction process in which all things that I previously put hope in had to crumble away, but at the bottom of that pit, I am starting to find things truly worth hoping in.