When I first saw the trailers for Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets two thoughts occurred to me. The first, that this film is yet another teen franchise meant to capitalize on the Twilight market. My second thought, that the colorful alien race (Pearls) is what those cursed sea monkeys were supposed to grow into. Not faceless, ugly microscopic brine shrimp. I thought I might find some redemption for my childhood.
I watched Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets in 3-D because it looked like the type of CGI-heavy film that I thought would benefit from the format. It's a tough call for me in retrospect. I think what little enjoyment I had from the film derived from the graphic colors and action that was enhanced with 3-D. However, I spent twenty-five dollars on two tickets to see this movie. That's a lot of money to spend on a film that was utterly forgettable.
I read a review that compared this film to Fifth Element. The only comparison here is the Director, Luc Besson, who made both films. Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets doesn't come close to that comparison. The only comparison I might have is the use of vertical action in both films. But that is a pretty minor feature of both. Aside from the visual qualities of this film, I did not find much to like.
Let me start with the acting. In a word, horrible. Whoever decided to cast Dane DeHaan as a bad boy needs to be fired. Playing a character who is supposed to possess a Hans Solo edginess was far beyond DeHaan's capability. He is soft. I rejected him in that role from the outset. Cara Delevigne was a small bright spot. She wasn't fantastic, but she didn't wear on my nerves the way DeHaan did. Rhianna got plenty of screen time. Unfortunately. Once she engaged in dialogue I had to cringe. Her theatrical performance (her show within a show) was stellar. She was fun and engaging to watch. But she didn't do much with dialogue that was already weak on its own. Ethan Hawke had a small role and was, well, Ethan Hawke. Can't complain about his tiny role a bit. He was spot on.
The story itself had potential. It was mildly predictable, but did have some decent storytelling woven in. The story suffered from hackneyed dialogue that had me finishing the actors lines at times. My wife asked "how did you know that was what he was going to say?" I laughed. Really? The story also suffered from a lack of focus. The film was sluggish at times with pacing not worthy of good science fiction. There was a lot of potential with this story, but it was missed. It was the weakest, lamest love story ever embedded in a science fiction tale of government corruption and an intergalactic Area 51. I wanted to like this story, I really did.
In the end. Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets missed a great opportunity. Instead of delivering Fifth Element quality science fiction, we got The Maze Runner quality writing and acting. It was a teeny knock off that felt like exactly that. And the subject matter of this film is a bit racy at times for the real teeny-boppers. Which leaves a very narrow window of movie patrons who are destined to like it. How it is running 6.9 on IMDB right now is beyond me. I am guessing graphic novel fan boys are driving that rating. I think I am being generous with 4/10. Don't bother. This film is destined to lose money.
Images and trailer courtesy of Europa
That's too bad. I like Luc Besson, but he's definitely a hit or miss kinda guy. I wasn't planning on seeing this in the theatres anyway but I appreciate the review.
I'm to the point where if they aren't going to have the actors say anything meaningful, just have them not speak. It's better that way.
This review sucks. Not because of the post itself but because I was so looking forward to watching this one. I guess I will be waiting for it on Netflix. Dang...guess I'll go watch Dunkirk on Saturday then. Thanks for the heads up.
Dunkirk is everything the hype says it is. Great choice. Sorry to let you down. But at least I saved you a few bucks.
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I had high hopes for this one but hearing mostly negatives, sigh
As someone who saw how Twilight was marked and how they tried to market the first hunger games as the next Twilight, this movie trailer had no Twilight vibe in it. But from the trailers you can see that it will a bad movie, bad storytelling, and bad acting. Dane DeHaan doesn’t have lead man qualities to it, and I hate Cara Delevigne, I wish they would stop casting her everywhere. Too bad about rihanna though, I really liked her in Battleships, hearing her speaking voice was very interesting. Sometimes, it’s all about the script and casting and looks like luc besson missed with this one, I am so not ever going to watch this one.
Not so much a twilight vibe. More the teenage leads that seem to be so popular these days. Great insight. Thank you for sharing.