I am a husband and a father. I've worked for others, been a business owner, been in church leadership roles, and participated in different kinds of activities throughout the years. While I've tried to get involved only to the point where it's useful, I can think of numerous times where I would have rather stayed on the sidelines, but didn't because I felt I should help, or realized something wasn't going to get done if I didn't either do it, or lead out.
In doing so, I can say that, for the most part, things have turned out to my satisfaction, and maybe to a lesser degree, to that of the family members, co-workers, church members, customers, schoolmates, etc., I was trying to assist or lead.
However, it does have its limits. Some people just don't want the help, no matter the results, and so helping has on occasion made things worse.
Here's a recent case in point, and a fairly mundane example to boot:
My oldest son and I are avid Oregon Duck football fans (college American football). They were playing their bowl game on New Year's Eve day. I had suggested previously that we have pizza (since that's our go to for many a game day). My son offered to get it. He wanted something of higher quality than what he thought he would get buying at Little Caesar's or Domino's, and wanted to get it from a smaller, more local pizza chain.
My wife found out he was buying it, and even though she might have been influential in him volunteering, she decided she didn't want him paying for it. At least not all of it. Or he should consider a cheaper alternative. I told him that, but even though he's just graduated from college, and neither his wife or himself have found a job since their move back here, he insisted on getting the pizza.
At one point during this process, I was going to take care of it completely. Then, at least reimburse him for some of it. But the more I tried to help, the more he pushed back. So, I gave up and let him do it.
Well, it turns out that despite me telling him it was going to be expensive, he didn't think it would be as expensive as it turned out to be. He bought one giant pizza and one large pizza, along with a 2-liter soda. He didn't tell me how much it cost, but since I've bought pizza from there before, I'm guessing it was around $50. He said later that he kind of regretted being the one to solely pay for the pizza. It wasn't like I didn't try!
As a father and a husband I've stepped into situations I'd rather not have done. I've done it in many other capacities, too. By and large, I'd say I accomplished something. Over the last few years, though, I've been trying to stay out of more and more decisions, even if it does turn out less than favorable. In the case of my son, he learned that pizza from that particular place is considerably more expensive than the larger brand alternatives, something he wouldn't have had I paid for it.
I'm not sure exactly what the lesson for him will be, but I'm hoping he'll be less anxious to buy the expensive pizza, or more willing to have someone help with the cost.