YES I DO. Not just once, but many days, probably most of the days.
Sometime we don't get closure all the time and it is not required either. We just have to learn to live with that pain.
It was two long years after she asked me to stay away from her. February 12th, Fate or coincidence, we both met each other again at a restaurant on the same day I proposed her, two years back. Not as strangers again, this time with memories. I stood frozen as I was so happy to see her again with our mutual friends. She couldn't look at me as she was probably feeling guilty and overwhelmed or because she was indifferent. Emotions ruled the scene. All the Worlds a stage and both of us were the leads in the play called LIFE. I composed my thoughts, gathered up the courage and shook hands with her and told a "hi" smiling outside, but weeping inside. The moment where I guided her hair behind her ears in the latest picture of hers flashed in my mind and all those emotions of love and togetherness preoccupied my mind. All she could think was "I know how much you are hurt and I don't know what am I going to do to make up for it". Our minds spoke these words and the other person exactly deciphered the other's thoughts. And we both left saying a "Hi", still hoping that the other should be happy. Sometimes silence speaks a thousand words, with more deep meaning. Words take back stage. Love is much more than just a feeling.
True Love waits with patience, but sometimes true love alone is not enough. There is no past tense in love. You always will love. May be the heart will try to heal and learn to live with that pain, the biggest problem is to silence the mind and move on. If it is meant to be, it will be someday. Only time and Destiny can answer.
Unrequited love is really painful. Especially if your feelings are genuine and you love her to the truest of your senses. It kills you everyday to realize that she doesn't love you back yet. And worse is getting ignored. But the thing about love is, it is always unconditional. You love her because you want to, not because you want her to love you back. That's what love is all about. Just be true to your feelings and try to stay away from her in order to avoid the pain. Unrequited love is one of the most painful things we can ever experience. It's not even like getting over a dead person. Getting over someone you love truly is an extremely difficult task. Someday your heart will learn to live with it. It may not completely move on, but it will try to heal and live with it. The problem is to just silence the mind.
It hurts. It hurts real bad. It stings. There is a pang in your heart every single time you think about her. You care for her that much and you love her that much. You experienced pinnacle of happiness when you were with her, and now when she leaves, you experience nadir of sadness. It really hurts because you still care and you will care, even though she is with you or not. Your heart will still care.
But just remember it wasn't easy for her to let you go. Sometimes they leave because they can't see you sad. My girl left me that way and I completely get her view on this. She cared for me as a real friend and I love her even more. It stings me and I feel how much it would have hurt her too. She asked me to stay away for I can move on, little did she know that she was the one whom I genuinely love after my parents. I am still staying away for I want her to be happy. For her to be guilt free. I can't see her sad any day.
We all know how much it stings us because we experience it. But we all should know how much it would hurt them too. I really care about her and her happiness still. That is what love and care is all about. If it was just distance and time that would make someone unlove, then love would be an easy thing. It isn't. True love will never fade. It still stings but there is sweetness in that pain and tears are more sweeter.
May be I love her way too much and pushed her away, but it is the only way I know to love her, because she still means the whole world to me. I really have that hope that she is happy and if at all she comes back, she will still be the only princess in my life. If at all everyday in life wanted to ask: "would you like to save today's changes?" World would be an awesome place. But that's what life is all about. We all make mistakes and we learn.
Her thoughts when we met last time (I assume): He doesn’t even look at me.
My thoughts when we met last time: I can’t even look at you without any tears. I prefer not to look at you and make you sad.
Sometimes time doesn’t heal things. It just makes us stronger to deal with pain. Sometimes true love alone isn’t enough. But someday if at all she realizes my love, she will still be the one I truly love and care for.