Having spent 10 years in a Vaishnava Vedic ashram in my twenties, studying Vedanta texts from swamis in India, I can say that the fact that you don't even believe your own mental speculation should ring alarm bells.
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Why would I want to believe anything that is a) mental; or b) speculation? None of it is Truth... it is merely — as you yourself put it — "mental speculation".
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Hahahahahaha lol.
Touche.