NO DARE, JUST TRUTH: TEASING YOU ALL OVER (IN TIWA SAVAGE'S VOICE)

Hi Friends,
O gosh, I am so damn late. Friggishly late. But this ndjt thing, ain't really my forte. I am terrible at telling jokes or loosening up. But @mimy will kill me if I show up on the block again without sprinkling confetti on this her beautiful, big, resplendent occasion.

Sorry ooo, no correct picture. I don't know if I will survive it if I put on the tabloid of the community for the whole wide world to see it. If I try it, I think I will just end up plastering my face to a pillow and wait for somebody to tell me I am ugly.
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Ok sharp sharp, let's do this. Wait wait, let me start again

Hi Friends,

Here is my little own small ingredient to the big potluck of hot pepper soup Mimy is brewing. I pray it will not spoil the whole dish with its boring recipe.

AT WHAT AGE DID I HAVE MY FIRST KISS?
Well, I think I can say my first kiss was granted me when I was.......(I can't quite remember, I was a teen sha). And it was by my uncle. No no, it is not a peck me, I peck you, kind of thing. It was a real, stupid kiss. And I can only say it was NEPA'S fault. Back then, I was very sick and all and then my uncle came to pay a visit. He sat close to the bed where I lay, breathing healing to me through his words. There was no light, I could barely see his outline but I heard him pray for me. And then, it was time to go. He bent down like the good bro he was to peck me on the cheeks in the darkness. But then, his fat lips landed straight on my own lips. Full and complete. You really don't want to know how I felt being kissed by my uncle for a first time. It was yuck. And I told myself I would never ever allow myself to be kissed by any boy or 'man' again (don't ask me if I am keeping my promise).
WHAT IS THE CHEAPEST GIFT I HAVE EVER RECEIVED
There ain't no cheap gift in this world. Just gifts. But when you receive a gift from somebody you totally detest, hello, that's not even a cheap gift, it's a flimsy one oozing with a 'don't collect me' sign. Well for me, there was this guy who thought he had the whole girls in the class tripping for him. He bought me buns. Me I ate it ooo (I mean, I was hungry and I only took #30 to school), but it felt like there were sores all over my mouth. Don't mind me, I ate with joy and gladness filling me up.
WHAT IS THE MOST EXPENSIVE GIFT I HAVE EVER RECEIVED
Hmm....
Orisha bi Iya ko si laye(There is no oracle like a mother)
Iya ni wura (Mother is gold)
My mother is a jewel, the last of the Sang Real. If love were to be a person, it has to be my mother, fair and frail, brave and beauteous. She is the most expensive gift I will ever have and she has given me the most expensive giftsssssssss of all times. I remember going out with her to a programme at Ibadan Expressway. We came to a funny intersection waiting to cross the road to the other side when all at once, a danfo made a deadly turn towards me, I was shivering to my feet. And then, I closed my eyes. When I opened my eyes, my mom was practically shrouded around me, wrapping me up. She was actually the one shivering, not me. She was the one closing her eyes, waiting for the bus to hit her, rather than hit me. That day, she handed me the most expensive gift you could give a person: **the feeling of being loved in the most beautiful, yet scary way possible.
WHAT WOULD I RATHER GO WITHOUT FOR 3DAYS: A BRASSIERE OR A MAKE-UP
(Let me clear my throat for this one) Really, this is a story for another day. But naturally, I don't use make up. In fact, I have never ever used it for a day in my life. And the bra too, welll......, I really don't use it too. I hate it. Don't hang me ooo. I mean, there is really nothing I have to hide, except for two tits that won't just hide themselves even though I wear thick cardigans, I have been in a position where I have been publicly embarassed by guys for being without the Kopstein, but it hasn't changed anything. I need help, right?
MY QUALITIES OF AN IDEAL MAN
Ideal ke? There is no one ideal man in the entire world, so why should I waste my energy describing one. So far as he is a man and I like him even in the most ridiculous of all times, I am good to go.
WHAT WOULD I DO WITH ONE MILLION NAIRA?
One million naira is like chicken change now ooo. Anyway sha, for a change, I can build a chicken farm with it.
WOULD I LOVE TO GET MARRIED TO A LAD (Male counterpart of a virgin)
See oo, I am not even into all this a lad will not know how to do. I mean, some guys, though lads, have already finish doing everything in their head. In fact, they know more stuff than a professed philanderer.
But wait ooo
(Sammy, where are you? A male perzon told me this)
Did you know that a male virgin's sperm usually has a very high content of protein due to its freshness? So, when they unleash their spermatozoa into an innocent woman, the well meaning contents make the woman grow in size and maybe, even get very fat. So ehn, if one now go and marry a lad, and the person gets fat finish, the same 'virgin' man will now carry his two leggedy legs to start looking for slim shandies. Issokay.
THREE NAMES OF GIRLS AND THREE NAMES OF GUYS YOU THINK ARE VIRGINS
Abeg abeg, let's stop rough play. Who is a virgin pezon now? If sombodi has not done it through the hole, the perzon would have done it in the hole. Talk about masturbation, pornography and the other unmentionables. Anyway sha, for the sake of hypocrisy, I will mention these names.
Girls

Boys

@rebeccafl (She is @mimy's steemit daughter, that says it all) @charm29 (she says she is an introvert, just maybe...) @chemmy (she has been venting out on marriage and bad husbands and cheating bastards, so ) @hillarie (Do me, I do you, God no dey vex) @Morahn (The mouthers are usually not mounted) @Samminator (Believe it or not, an AI robot who does not even know his/her/its gender cannot simply do it)
SENTENCE WITH GOD, LOVE, BIBLE, PRAYER, SUCK, SEX
Me I will write a Haiku with this (Itk)
Does God know of Sex?
Of dick-sucks prayers can't quell?
The Bible does not tell.
MY GREATEST VIRTUE
FORGETFULNESS. Yes, that's it. I have gone through hazards, pain and heartaches even I myself can't manage to construe. But I have managed to forget them just as soon as they stopped. I choose to call this voluntary amnesia and this I think is my greatest virtue.

(Ah! Almost done)

MY INTERPRETATION OF THE THEME (Left, Right, Front, Back, Center. In fact, all over, abi?)
Do you know this song?
All around, all around, everywhere I look, your love is all around.
If you quite notice, the questions touch all aspects of our being, socially, spiritually even ethically. That does for the interpretation.
NDJT EPISODE 1
IT WAS CRAZY. Damn it, people love to fuck. Or more appropriately, they love to think about fucking (Oops, this was raw. But who cares?).