Enough With Your Rotten Sound-proofing and Dirty Hedge Trimmer
Dear James,
I have always felt ecstatic living near to you. You are the most pointy neighbour a person could ever meet.
Therefore, you must understand how difficult it has been for me to approach you with this matter.
I'm afraid I can no longer stand your unsightly garden ornament.
I lay in bed last night, trying to sleep, and all I could think about was how your sound-proofing is too rotten and your hedge trimmer way too dirty. I had a nightmare that you burst in through the window brandishing a dog collar
I have to insist that you take action to stop your unsightly garden ornament from upsetting me. I demand that you clean up then give up drum playing.
And while we're on the matter, I'm finding your barking dog increasingly inexcusable. This is not the kind of behaviour I expect from somebody living in a classy neighbourhood like Wysteria Lane.
If you don't rectify the situation I shall have no choice but to call the coast guard and post photos of your unsightly garden ornament on Pinterest.
Furthermore, I have close ties with the mafia and I won't be be afraid to cash in a few favours if you don't comply with my demands.
Thanks
satochi