I didn't resteem that post because it was confusing and not very substance to it. But I did resteem this post for you because it was good and explains what is in your mind. https://steemit.com/steemsilvergold/@kevinkarron/sunday
I can see you are trying and I suggest you keep learning... I did resteem you even though you are over the limit (46) and aren't really a newbie anymore... But I did see this comment and I can understand your pain...
Now though it is time that you get over the past and you focus on the future. You can't rely on people feeling sorry for you, but instead you need to learn how to make it on your own. I can help you, but you need to ask... And the first thing I will tell you is to never ask for help, votes, or follows again. People will do those things because they like you and you also try to help them too. There is no need to ever ask.
If you want me to help, just let me know and I also invite you to join the #newbieresteemday and use one of your days of the week to helping people that are newer than you to learn too. Here is the link explaining it: https://steemit.com/newbieresteemday/@davemccoy/its-here-its-launched-come-join-us-newbie-resteem-initiative