As someone who comes from a family background that was, shall we say, less than optimal... I have sought ways to heal from wounds that've resulted in unwanted limitations.
Today I was listening to a talk on trauma and its relationship to healthy/unhealthy attachment, given by neurobiologist Sarah Peyton and her associate Susan Sky. I gained some useful insights vis a vis my own attachment styles, but that's not where I want to go with this essay.
You see, both of these teacher/therapists work in the field of NonViolent Communication (NVC). And one thing that really caught my attention when I began learning about this approach to... what? Communication? Well, yes and no. It definitely affects communication, but it really is about a consciousness, a change of focus. A transformation has to take place internally before anything manifests on the outside. That transformation is in one's perspective — basically from judgement, to understanding the needs that motivate our behavior. This work gets done both toward ourselves and regarding others.
What caught my attention in Marshall Rosenberg's original text on the subject (NonViolent Communication, A Language of Life) was a conclusion he drew from his experience as a psychotherapist. He found that diagnosing people with psychiatric disorders was't helpful for their recovery. Rather, his practice and subsequent studies have shown that empathy, rather than diagnosis and "treatment" is more effective at healing a preponderance of emotional issues.
One study I recall replaced clinical psychologists with lay people and compared the outcomes. Surprise: the recovery rate was better in subjects who were "counseled" by lay people! Why? Because there was more capacity for empathy in that test group.
Now, I'm not saying psychologists are devoid of empathy, far from it. Maybe it's that a focus on diagnosing and following a treatment strategy might be a distraction. Imagine: If you get a diagnosis, that means there's something wrong with you that needs to be fixed, right? So by definition you're broken. Yet the study of systems shows us how elegantly our unconscious molds our behavior for survival relative to our circumstances.
Contemporary neurobiology shows that by giving ourselves and others empathy (respectful understanding, rather than labeling) — the nervous system relaxes and trauma begins to heal.
We all want to be accepted as we are; we all yearn to be understood. So when our focus shifts from what we should be and do, to curiosity about what we are/were looking for (at a deeper level of common human need) — then our nervous systems unwind (in a good way!).
So what does that have to do with language? Oh, I love how inextricably interconnected thinking and language are! We can listen to ourselves and others and immediately understand how a mind (or heart-mind, as Buddhism teaches) is disposed.
As an example, I might judge myself or someone else as lazy. How might I reframe that thought in terms of understanding and respect? Hmmm... curiosity. I wonder why that person isn't motivated right now? Fatigue, or chronic low energy? Downtrodden and discouraged? Self esteem so low they don't believe they can accomplish? Angry about not getting paid what they're worth so they just... stopped? Many other possibilities exist, of course.
Guaranteed my "lazy" label is incapable of describing the totality of a person's situation. So maybe I can speak to them (or myself) with a softer, more open, inquisitive mind. And they'll feel it. And that makes a difference.
Welcome Zialuna. How's day three in the blockchain treating you, you regenerative gardener, you?
Why aren't you using cover images for your articles?
Hey — Good point. I'm new and just realizing that's important. Give me a bit! Who are you, the post police 🤣? Ahem... how do I do that, anyway?
No hell no just lending a helping
handdevice.An inquiring mind who assumes similar minds inquire similar inquiries and, from said perspective, content without a cover image is skipped more often than not.
No one wants that more often than not.
You pretty familiar with this blogging thing like I'm familiar with why the Feds gave Native Americans New Mexico cuz it's motherF'ing freezing there? I ask cuz this is still my first and only social media experience so I didn't know about unsplash.com type sites and how to properly source my images etc etc etc etc
Ok, ok — don't get those panties up there now! Yeah, I didn't know about unsplash either, but I'm there, already! Cool pics! (But I'm using mine 'til I run out, which will be never. Well, there's are so good, maybe.) Actually I was asking cuz I didn't see a way to specifically insert a "cover photo". But see how smart I am, I already figgured it out, hah!
Now about New Mexico, yeah, it's cold sometimes but the reason they abandoned the Natives here is cuz it's so friggin' DRY, mon! They just didn't know about the uranium and other stuff underground back then, soooo....
I'm totally new to blogging, tho, so likely to misstep here and there. But I like having you to herd me along, like. Y'know?
And it's my pleasure, really. I don't know everything but I'll teach you everything I know. I'll only use my images too, wasn't sure how you were on your collection. 💖
I didn't know what a hyperlink was when I got here so don't trip, it'll all become familiar like fa la La La La. La La La La.
Let me show you another thing I noticed that'll help you out. "Resource credits" are required to do this; post, engage, vote, edit (activity) etc. So each time you do those things resource credits (RC's) are used. Close to zero or even somewhere below 10% i think means no more activity until it builds back up which could take 24 hours.
Eventually this won't sound foreign so in the meantime take my word for it, try leaving things like typos and edits alone until you've gained enough hive power (HP) to afford all the actions. Make sense?
You can monitor your RC's and quite a bit more at hiveblocks.com/@zialuna
Don't be a stranger.
Thanks, DA. Nice card, season's greetings to you, too!
What about the heart icon? When I click on it, a list of other hivers comes up. I'm totally confused on this one. Do you get it?
I had no idea my heart icon was magical like that. I just thought it was a heart and pink. I do this a lot too:
Congratulations @zialuna! You have completed the following achievement on the Hive blockchain and have been rewarded with new badge(s):
Your next target is to reach 200 upvotes.
You can view your badges on your board and compare yourself to others in the Ranking
If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word
STOPCheck out the last post from @hivebuzz:
Support the HiveBuzz project. Vote for our proposal!