As I grow older, I have came to realized that there are a lot of things that will somehow break us apart. In some situations, you’ll be able to bounce back. But there are some set backs that are just too had to go through.
And in my case, four years ago, I have been diagnosed with post-traumatic syndrome, anxiety and depression disorder. The thing with it was that, it took me long enough to realized that there was something wrong with me. I stopped doing my early morning runs, writing literary pieces and poetry. I was aware there was something that ached within me but I didn’t know which part of my entirety hurts, all I know was that it pained me to the extent that I was willing to do anything just to get rid of it. So, I started to harm myself just to divert the psychological pain in to a physical one, some pain that at least I know where it came from.
I think, losing my best friend into a drowning incident made it worst. Everything was just unbearable. I was hopeless and relentlessly restless. The exhaustion was beyond physical. It was too much that even breathing hurts. I also came to the point that I have been crying, kneeling and begging God to take all the pain away ‘cos I couldn’t take it anymore.
I have lost my identity, I have lost a lot of friends. And most of all, it took a lot of me. Until my desperation took me to seek for help. So, I opened up to my parents, and then I started seeing a psychiatrist. And from there, I have started to realized that healing isn’t beautiful. It’s hideous, it was a never ending back to zeroes. It was the endless battles within you. It was messy and consuming. It was an exhaustion that sleep and rest can’t fix. My psychiatry doctor once told me that we can recover from whatever we are going through, but we can never really fully recover from it, like having a bruise, the wounds heal; the scars may disappear but what the naked eye can’t see is that, it was way too different from before the damage. That’s how it is. That most of time, healing hurts way, way more than what you’re healing from.
Now, I am still going through therapy and I am getting better. I am starting to accept all the things that I just can’t change; and change all the things that I refuse to accept. And I’ve learned to forgive myself for letting people treated me less than I deserved. Forgiving myself for all the things that I did not become. Loving myself at my worst, because that’s when I needed myself the most.
And this is me saying to all of you who’s having a hard time. Hang in there. It gets better. Keep going. There’s strength within you that can go through it all.
Thank you @mejs for sharing this. Love to read genuine stories which shows the human side of us all.
You made me remember all those countless times I cry so hard and ugly 🤣 all by myself because there are healings which we must go through alone.
I won't say "get well" because its different for each of us but I do wish that you continue on living and healing no matter what. I'm sorry to hear about your friend too but she must be in peace now. I bet she would definitely want you to keep on going and keep on writing those literary pieces and poems.
Yes, I agree. There are battles that we need to go through alone. Thank you that you love it. It means a lot to me. ‘cos I wanted for so long to help people to realize that we may not go through the same struggle and battle, but I somehow understand what they are going through. Thank you again. I appreciate you a lot.
Yay! 🤗
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Thank you @ecency, I appreciate this a lot. I am beyond thankful.
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Thank you so much. It’s well appreciated.
You're welcome @mejs 😊👍 have a nice day!
keep going and then keep going more! i broke my spine when i was 17 and it changed my life, took me 10+ years of depression, anxiety chronic pain, PTSD, inability to work, the loss of both my parents and a bunch of other things... i even ended up in court for over a decade in a fight against the health system to prove myself... took me all of this to realize how blessed i was :)
Thank you for sharing a piece of your story. And I must say that you’re so brave for going through it all. Please, keep doing everything that you’re doing in here ‘cos you’re such an inspiration. The needs more of you.
we got this :)