Everyone will lose one or both of their parents at some point in their life. In modern society, most can expect that they will not have the experience until they are in their 50s and 60s due to the advances of medical care. Between the ages of 18 and 40, the orphaned adult club is a small club. Those of us with membership know the experience first-hand and we are aware we can oscillate from feelings of joy to crushing grief, and everything in between. The question is then, if the club is so small why is everyone around you a nouveau expert on dealing with grief? Even more exasperating is that you may find that everyone around you feels the incessant need to tell you the following:
1.) how to grieve,
2.) their approximation of grieving timelines (of course this timeline/schedule is usually finely developed based on their quick google search or other perceptions of a phenomenon they may or may not have experience with), and
3.) when you are not following their pre-defined ‘schedule’ of where you should be in the grieving/healing process.
Ironically, these convenient, self-proclaimed 'experts’ forget that at some point you have to move on and start ‘living’ your life again. Despite the intelligence of these experts, very rarely do they extend their intellectual prowess into how you are to transition from grief to regaining some semblance of your life. In the expert opinion of your friends, family and work colleagues, they believe that at the prescribed time your grief will subside, the process is over, and you will be back to your old self and old routines. Very much like—BAM—you wake up and it’s over. The pain is gone, and you are back to you who you were before your loss. Seriously? Does that sound reasonable?
I was recently on the phone with a friend and was explaining my idea for the blog you are now reading. The call was cut short as she interrupted and informed me that my idea was ill advised, poorly constructed, and was a feeble attempt to avoid my grieving process. What? I am blogging about my grieving process--I would say that classifies me as being intimately familiar with it. This friend has the experience of losing a parent, but what shocked me was the blatant disregard that this was not my first rodeo on the grief train. I am no stranger to the grief process, and unlike her situation, I do not have an extended family of grandparents, aunts, uncles and 50 plus first and second cousins to reach out to for support. No, in my situation I have a brother, sister-in-law and niece. There is no one else!
I turn to friends to bounce ideas off and obtain that ‘you can do it’ support because I lack familial options. This blog is a way for me to express my thoughts and experiences about being an adult orphan. Despite the fact that this is a small club, everyone I speak with, seems to be an expert of what I am going through, what I should be doing, and how others will respond to my ambitions. This website and blog have not been popular among my friends who have been informed of it and my goals. Perhaps it is their fear of not wanting to see me put myself out there and possibly end up hurt that causes their extreme anti-support. It is downright exhausting trying to defend myself from others who truly have no experience in the grief process—let alone the orphan club. It is hard enough to tackle my days to put myself and my emotions out there for other's to read let alone combat their reservations of my actions.
The heartless side of me wants to sit and wait until someone close to them dies and when it happens politely re-hash and implement their timelines and philosophies when they encounter their own first grieving process. See if they like their own 'medicine'. But no, I could not see myself doing that to others. I realize they will have their own special idiots in their life to deal with when they grieve their loved ones--I do not need to add to their pain as they may have done to me.
I can't begin to understand what you have went through. I'm lucky enough to have both my parents still alive. Have you ever got a big payday on a comment? I made $270 on a comment yesterday. Check my post out! https://steemit.com/steem/@brianphobos/after-a-rough-day-on-steemit-berniesanders-came-to-the-rescue-like-a-digital-angel
Hello and thank you for the comment. I am very new to this website (like 30 minutes new). So i'm still getting an understanding on how the website works. Will definitely take a look at your comment. Thanks.