First of all I agree with what you have written here, and thank you for doing so. Parenting is the toughest job we get in life, in my estimation. I have two, and one has a very serious illness, everything from worry, to doubt, to struggle with your pride when they disobey, and then your anger as you become frustrated.
It is so difficult to remain calm, confident, and lovingly lead them toward good behaviour. But this is the goal in my view. Like you say "benevolent king", not a tyrant. Yelling NO at your kid doesnt lead to long lasting compliance, because it doesnt foster their respect/love of you. Calmly, confidently, lovingly leading the kid to the end you desire, through the tears and disagreements, can lead to their love and respect for you, which will in itself precipitate the compliance you desire.
Seek compliance first, you will get neither their love, nor their lasting compliance. Seek loving leadership first, and you will get both.
Lastly, your post reminds me of the parenting info that comes from Jordan Peterson, author of: "Maps of Meaning", and "12 Rules for Life".
Based on what you wrote here, you may want to check him out.