Have I Failed As A Parent?

[mister-d]

I used to think I was a pretty good parent, the cool Dad. I'm not so sure anymore.

When the kids were growing up we did all the typical things (typical to me anyway). I took the kids out in my truck. We had wild dance parties in the truck bed jamming to Earth Wind and Fire (look it up they were amazing). I coached their sports teams. I chaperoned school trips. I taught them all to cook their own eggs by the age of 5.

My kids were always the most well behaved kids in any group. We taught them to save their insanity for home. They were good kids, good students and good friends, they still are.

So why do I think I failed? Well I don't think I was able to instill in them any common sense. Things that I take for granted they are baffled by. Simple things like changing a tire, getting their oil changed (well my oil changed, the cars are all mine), writing a check, simple home repairs - they are completely clueless.

I don't remember being that way. I'm sure I was, but my Dad didn't really teach me those things. He just gave me the opportunity to do them. I remember when he told me to trim the bushes in front of our house. I was sure I was going to kill them. I didn't. They are still there nearly 40 years later. He came home from work and told me I did a good job. That's how most of my skills were learned, he told me to go do it. He let me figure it out on my own.

That might be where I failed. I always jumped in as the savior. Dad to the rescue. I think I should have let them struggle more, figure things out for themselves. Even today with the internet and resources like YouTube they still ask me silly questions or seem confused by simple problems. I feel like I didn't prepare them for life as an adult.

Was I too supportive? I don't believe I hovered over them. But still they don't seem self-sufficient to me. Maybe my memory sucks. Maybe I was just as clueless when I was their age (not a chance :)).

They are still good human beings, kind, compassionate, all got good grades, two have graduated college (which I paid for). So what do you think? Was I too easy on them growing up? Am I being too hard on them now?

I know they will be fine, I just want the best for them.

Comments

[jagged]

Your fear is jumping the gun.
They will find their way. My kids are the same, but I was also a lame duck in many things (and still am).
If they are socialable & have some good souls in their network, including you, they will find a path that will make you cry, i think.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts and pics. Delightful little crew :)

[mister-d]

They’ll be okay, eventually. Lol.

Thanks for the encouragement.

[freeinthought]

Great post my friend. I often worry about the same things. I'm a dad too. But I think things are changing in the world now and the pendulum is starting to swing back to a common sense era. Hang in there... :)

[mister-d]

We must not be watching the same news. 😂

[chelsea88]

I grew up in a "figure it out yourself" environment. Ignorance is bliss I guess. I never was afforded that luxury so as young as 15 was already paying most my bills not that i had many at the time but still. I was the oldest of 4 and i think the survivor instinct was "installed" at a young age. You pointed it out multiple times you pay for all their stuff. Until they are forced to figure it out they never will.

[mister-d]

That's another area where I think I could have served them better, finances. I've been working on it, but it would have been easier to do at age 5 vice 20.

I've been slowly cutting them off, forcing them to budget and justify expenditures. The little bastards were cutting into my recreational funds. Lol

[chelsea88]

Yeah you work hard for your money need to be able to enjoy it also

[mister-d]

I'm always looking for new ways to enjoy it. (Responsibly, sort of)