As parents, it is often our first instinct to protect our children from things that could potentially harm them. And generally, this is good practice. It is indeed a dangerous world, and our children rely on us to keep them alive and well.
However, it is also our responsibility to allow them to grow.
Exposure
In saying "exposure", I'm not suggesting leaving your children to fend against the elements or to allow them to touch the hot stovetop.
What I'm saying is to let your kids do the same things that you are doing, or try to include them in some way.
If you are making breakfast, get a chair and let them crack a few eggs. If you're working on the car, show them where to poor the oil and let them try doing it. If you're making some pottery, let them touch some clay and get messy.
I'm a game developer and my 5 year old son watches me while I do development. So one day I opened up RPG Maker, gave him some basic instructions, and sat back to see what he would create.
He quickly started designing maps with mountains, trees, caves, crevasses, dungeons, lava falls, and lava monsters. He assembled a party of characters based off of him, myself, and my wife. He created a village called Victorvile because my wife had recently told him about a town in California of the same name, which he connected with because his name is Victor.
So now there is a 5 year old in my house who is developing his own RPG, learning about maps, tiling, events, and design. If he stays on this course I could easily see him creating a legitimate game by the time he is 10-12 years old.
It's the same with anything.
I have heard stories of great guitarists who would sit on their father's laps while they played guitar, making the child feel as though they were a virtuoso. Or great cooks who would help their mother’s in the kitchen.
Children learn by doing
Far too often I hear about modern parents who simply feel too busy and overwhelmed with life, and thus treat their own children as though they are a nuisance.
They'll hand them a tablet or put them in front of the TV so they don't have to deal with them.
I understand this -- being a parent is stressful, especially when one's attention is so divided. With all the pressures of modern life pulling an adult in multiple directions, and all the distractions of modern technology and the pluralism of activities, it is no simple thing to figure out a way to include your children in the things you do.
But I can assure you, your children are faster learners than you might expect.
When you expose children to the things that you do and allow them to participate, they will quickly become useful, and might even excel you in ability. This is how genius is permitted to grow.
Talent discovery
Because children grow so quickly, and humans are creatures of habit, it is easy for adults to get into the rut of thinking that your child will need their diapers changed for the rest of their lives.
But then, one day, they simply don't need it anymore. One day, they are able to prepare their own breakfast. They are able to dress themselves. They can shower by themselves. They can drive. They can get a job. They can take care of their own children. They can take care of you when you aren't able to take care of yourself.
By allowing your children to explore the daily activities that you do which interest them, you are giving them access to talent discovery.
We all have personal talents -- at least that's what I'd like to think, lol -- and when people are given the opportunity to try different things at a young age, they are more likely to figure out what their talents are, and from there to direct themselves (with your help) into the mastery of those talents.
So help your children discover their talents so they can hone them into a powerful tool that will give them a better life than you have.
Tell me what you think
I have enjoyed my parenting posts here on Steemit.
There seems to be a lot of you out there who are parents and are ready to have a conversation about parenting. There are many techniques and tools that we can employ in this most important of jobs, and I welcome all of your input and views on this.
So thanks for being involved!
:D
I've tried to take a similar approach with my first son, who is almost 4. I try not to give him TOO many rules, and let him explore and do whenever possible.
I intend to do the same with my second son, who is just days away from being born.
I want them to find something they love to do. I want them to learn as much as they can.
Great article. Love reading stuff like this from great dads like yourself.
Yes! A second one soon! Blessings on the arrival. Hope it is an amazing experience. We have a daughter coming August! Much transformation going on.
Thank you very much, and congratulations to you as well!
Wow! Well wishes on the "second coming"!
Make sure to let me know when the new guy makes his debut :D
Oh yeah. Little Vincent will come into the world earning his college fund ;)
Excellent post and I think that it is spot on, I have been doing this, but hadn't put a name on it.
It's also fun. That's an added benefit. It permits your kids to look to you for instruction.
great insights, shayne. Parents, especially fathers, need to stand back a healthy distance and let their kids explore... and yes, sometimes scrape their knees.
Yes. Children are tough :D
A healthy distance is important, but so is being there and being present for the child. Sadly I only see the extremes, parents who ignore their kids and often simply throw them at a tv, and those who hover over the child when the child simply wants to play alone/when the parent is simply watching and not participating.
A balance is actually a good thing here; but most of all the best advise is as long as you haven't already raised your child wrongly and thus they only want to watch tv, all that matters is your child is happy.
Great post thanks
thank for restoring faith in humanity for 5 minutes :-)
Lol! 5 minutes? That's so sad!
society takes over....lol
Some of the fondest memories I have of my childhood Bach during the 1940s was being allowed to participate with my mom, dad also my grandparents. Although I never realized at the times of the lessons I was being taught, which have been invaluable during my life. Nice post.
Hey, thanks. I appreciate that.
Nailed it. I feel the same way for my kids. Great post!
I'm glad there are so many like-minded parents on Steemit. It's a good feeling and a great element of this community :D
Hahhaaa right?! I see a lot of parents who are very aggressive with their kids and it's just like dude calm down!
Great post and well said. As a parent I'm as busy as any other. Reading this post made me realize that I need to slow down a bit and just take it all in as they try something new that I usually do for them. Sounds like a plan and a good one at that. Thanks. Enjoyed.
Great post.
I just did a parenting post too. I think that we pretty much think alike on this one.
"Childism"!!
You are right!
Very nice post. It hurts to see some parents let their children get the best of them, instead of raising them to think for themselves.
Yes, that's exactly it. You show them life and then guide them through it until they can start guiding themselves.
I love the term "parenting by exposure". After a brief time in a traditional school, I decided to pull my children out and unschool them. This is exactly how unschooling works. Expose them to a variety of life experiences so that they can discover their strengths and passions. I cannot be prouder of how they have turned out. This is not only good for them intellectually, but emotionally as well. A child that learns how to have mastery over things grows up to be self-confident and happy.
Totally agree @shayne. Having them just do what you are doing is huge for learning especially in the younger years. Your boy Victor will be a master at anything he wishes! My boy is 1.5, we have always let him try things before interfering. They really just want to be with their parents (love sponges) all the time. Time is of the most value with children. Those shared moments are what they will cherish, remember and grow from, that energy of family. Hence the importance of a massive amount of love! When I was 5 I somehow got a Nintendo, played on a black/white 12inch tube! Had an accountant father who was always on the computer or number puncher hahaha. Kids these days have a vast array of things to learn from. Watching them gather wisdom, knowledge and experience at a much more advanced rate then we did is amazing! Thanks for the share man. Keep it coming!
A measured/considered approach cold be good as each child is different, some will work with a freer hand, while other will require more guidance.
So tech inclusion there ;)
That was wonderful I feel the same way as you and I did the same as you. My kids are grown now but they can fix things theycook like a five star chef they're very independent. Children are our future we must love them nurture them pay then alot more attention they are what is important! For ten years after my divorce I took in 16 teens and put them back in school and found them jobs, they were neglected and abused. I see all children as mine it takes a village. Peace and love
this is a lovely post. meanwhile i will find a way of sharing the book with you
Thanks for the great insights! I agree with you. I homeschooled my kids for a decade and loved the opportunity it gave us to implement what you're talking about: exposure, learning by doing and discovering their talents. I'm pretty new to steemit, and am refreshed to see parents discussing parenting in interesting ways. I enjoy writing about parenting, so much that I wrote a book, Rescuing Supermom. I look forward to reading more from you. i upvoted and followed.
This was really encouraging, its nice to see involved parents out there with vision for and confidence in their kids. I always aspire toward this type of parenting but often fall short due to lack of time or energy. Thanks for the reminder though!