Before She Freaks (Before He Cheats Parody)

Right now, I'm kind of slow dancing
With the price of a car
And her offer seems risky
Right now, I just struck a deal
With this bleached-blond tramp
To gift my girl this car key

Right now, I'm up beside her
Trading boat and trailer
For a double discount combo
But she didn't know

She dug her key into the side
Of my pretty big souped-up four-wheel drive
Carved her name into my leather seats
She took a Louisville slugger to both headlights
She slashed a hole in all four tires
Maybe next time she'll ask before she freaks

Right now, I paid for the car and I'm
Driving to surprise her with this
Gift that she'll soon see
Right now, this deal felt like a "slam dunk"
And I'm a-thinking that
My girl is very lucky

Right now, I'll probably
Dab on three dollars
Worth of that bathroom Polo
Oh, but she didn't know

So she dug her key into the side
Of my pretty big souped-up four-wheel drive
Carved her name into my leather seats
She took a Louisville slugger to both headlights
She slashed a hole in all four tires
Maybe next time she'll ask before she freaks

She thought she'd save a little trouble for the next girl
But the next time that she freaks
Oh, you know it won't be on me
No, not on me

'Cause she dug her key into the side
Of my pretty big souped-up four-wheel drive
Carved her name into my leather seats
She took a Louisville slugger to both headlights
She slashed a hole in all four tires
Maybe next time she'll ask before she freaks

Oh, maybe next time she'll think before she freaks
Oh, before she freaks
Oh