Peace Academy Curriculum // How to Break Free From a Victim Mentality and Empower Yourself
A victim mentality results from a feeling of helplessness and lack of control. It is also tied to low self-esteem in a cyclical manner.
Self-awareness
In order to break free of this mentality, one needs a healthy amount of self-awareness.
One of the reasons that a victim mentality is so prevalent to some degree is that it can actually feel good.
Recognizing the short-time, positive feelings one gets from a victim mentality is the first step in breaking the cycle.
Self-pity is a form of self-soothing which may initially feel good as you feel justified in your anger while blaming others.
Avoiding responsibility for life choices and decisions can be extremely difficult. It is much easier to avoid responsibility and blame others. One can also avoid potential failure by remaining inactive.
One can invite others to their pity party and receive loving and caring attention.
But, while the initial results of a victim mentality may feel good, this mentality will ultimately leave you stuck in a helpless state of inaction.
Take responsibility
Stop blaming others. When you find that you are blaming someone for something that is going on in your own life, take a step back and reflect.
Is it really their fault?
Are you relying too heavily on others instead of relying on yourself?
Are you looking to others to create happiness within you instead of creating happiness within yourself?
Who is actually responsible for your level of happiness in this world?Understand that your choices and decisions lead to the results in your life. Recognize your own choices and decisions...or your lack of decisions.
If you are unhappy with your life, ask yourself what you can do to change it.
Let it Go
- Stop hanging on to the past in anger. Forgiveness is not about the other person. It is the way for you to heal.
Holding on to past anger only weighs you down and has negative effects on you emotionally and physically. The only way to break free is to forgive and let that shit go.
You will not only feel lighter, but it will empower you as well as you take control of your life and your emotional well-being.
Often times holding on to certain memories hurts more, so you let go to get heal.
Image credit
We are to take charge of our life. As @tarazkp put it in one of his post that there are two general types of people, victims and survivors of life's hardships. The victims are the ones who are damaged, the survivors are the ones grateful to have made it.
We should never allow events to define us.
but without the victim mentality there is no basis for identity politics.
@funbobby51,
You're dead on. Victim mentality has not only become institutionalized, but industrialized. It's being manufactured. One needs an organizational chart to keep track of the various oppressed groups and their respective vertical/horizontal ranking in the Intersectionality Victim Olympics.
Identity politics is extremely divisive. While certain marginalized groups no doubt have just cause for complaint and redress, we seemed to have lost the concept of magnitude. There are numbers between 1 and 100 for a reason.
It's funny, I got a hold of a survey the Democrats are sending out and it's all about, "which of these things upsets you the most?" "what about Trump upsets you the most?" I may post it later today.
@aggroed,
Good post. Victim mentality in our culture is becoming endemic. Amongst the younger generation, being weak and vulnerable is being worn as a badge of honor.
Indeed, it seems almost like a competition to see who can be the most broken. This does not bode well for society.
I've become involved with the poetry community here on Steemit and one of the things I've noticed is how dark so much of the poetry is. I even did a post on it. Few, it would seem, wish to be talked out of their doldrums.
Bad things happen to everybody. Life is about pushing through. Wallowing in it just makes it worse, and often, pathological.
https://steemit.com/poetry/@quillfire/good-i-look-in-those-jeans-poem-it-s-all-about-perspective
I was thinking this myself a while back, as I set up my blog which was initially to help people with anxiety. What I discovered was, many people with anxiety have become so identified with it, that it appears they don't even want to get rid of it.
Sounds insane but it becomes so much part of their identity that they fear losing who they are (who they THINK they are) if they get rid of the anxiety. So they spend all day writing morose poetry or complaining about how no one understands them and retweeting memes about how shit it is to have anxiety and getting angry with people who make nasty comments about mental illness. You can apply this to any kind of label or issue people have.
I understand because I've been there. But there came a point where I knew the world wasn't gonna change for me and I had to change myself if I wanted my life to get better. Problem is, most victim mentality types think the opposite - the world needs to change for them to have a better life. So they are constantly fighting others rather than working on themselves.
That said, there are people who have a real problem with victim mentality purely because they lack compassion and empathy or can't see that there IS social injustice and people struggling with real personal issues out there (or refuse to acknowledge it).
But my point is, you just have to ignore them and focus on yourself because that's where the true power lies :)
I recommend The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, which has a great section which features victim mentality and how we often don't want to get rid of our pain and struggle.
Hasta luego!
@timothyphoenix,
Beautifully written, ideas brilliantly articulated ... and edited! You are completely right. You should do a post on this subject. I'm going now to check out your feed.
Thanks, appreciate that man :) I haven't posted anything yet in Steemit yet as I'm new, gonna get my introduction done today!
Life is so much more enjoyable once you break out of the victim mentality. You begin to attract better people and opportunities into your life, and you know you can deal with almost anything because you take responsibility for your own state of being. (Speaking from experience.)
Good advice. The old adage of 'misery loves company' is very true...and amazing how many people get sucked into it. Actually I'm guilty of it too sometimes - it's an easy trap.
It is my first time to see this adage. It is right to the target.
Good
Very nice writing. The texts were very realistic. In the meantime, if we fail in life or lose something. then others blame us. We do not want to find once, why we are unable!! we should think about by blaming othets why we want to blame or behind someone behind us.Your post was very educative. You have published some real things in this post. . Great article @aggroed
Good
This very nice post i appreciateyour post....
Forgiveness can be a tricky thing! Sometimes you will find that you have to repeat the process a few different times because old grudges have a way of sneaking back into their cozy spot like a dog that won't stay off the couch. This is especially true if the grudge is over a deep hurt you've dealt with for a long time. I struggle with this myself and I've learned that when you become aware that you are re-embracing an old grudge it's very important in that moment to look right at it, remember why you dumped it in the first place, and then put it back in the recycling bin where it belongs. Until you clear out the spot in your inventory that it occupies, you will have a hard time replacing it with something good and useful.
Thank for the information this will help GOD bless you
Thanks for inspiring! Love your blog. Keep the good work going.
Ia itu pun bisa di katakan sangat mudah dan patut dikasih jempol
Thanks for your good article, keep it up!
Very interesting and informative post, thanks for your sharing to us, the victim have to empower, i like your post and upvote and resteem your post to more than 1100 my follower, greeting friendship from me @abialfatih in aceh indonesia
Great way to write about ‘let it go’. I agree with you 100%. It’s totally up to us to let go, surrender and move on with our lives. Thank you for bringing this subject, really interesting :)
Wow! This post could cause a lifetime of personal liberation.
A victim mentality also is accompanied by a feeling of denied entitlement where one feels he or she deserves some goodies from others but being denied thereof.
But like you have written, self awareness is what is needed. However, self-awareness wont come by being locked up in a room to worry over the resources that isn't forth coming.
Go out there, hang out with people who have enough positive vibes. Read good books, see a great movie... Listen to some soul lifting and inspiring music.
Thank you @aggroed for sharing. I am @desmonddesk
Good article
it's the same thing when we are, in steemit, we have the tension when we do not get upvote in our post,
we find it difficult to enlarge here,
As we feel very depressed, # minnowsupport project greatly petrified me to grow in steemit,
If you agree, i'm always resteem your post
nice post
Lo mas importante y dificil es dejar ir lo que te afecta o esta molestandote.
Debemos aprender a aceptar los problemas de la vida misma, aprender asumir con responsabilidad y la mejor actitud posible.
Muy buen articulo, saludos.
Absolutely ! All these creatures are designed to harm me and all senseful people on this planet.
And once again: It is their fault !
They are all working together to exploit the possibilities of humans while demoralizing them to keep them under control.
That's very true..
We tend to develop this victim mentality when things don't go our way.
We try to play the victim card and gain sympathy. But this can only be counterproductive in the long run
this is a very good post,@aggroed
Mental attitude is a possibility that will happen to a person so that has a conception or behavior that emerged from his soul as a reaction or response to the situation that affect it. May we all have a positive mental attitude because it will happen in our daily lives starting from our discipline, abilities, skills, and creativity.
Thanks for sharing this post...I appreciate your planet.........
I believe most people want to get out of their funk.. Sometime it just weighs so much on peoples shoulders , it's hard to shake.. it can consume us if we let it. Letting go is probably the hardest but, it will take the weight off your shoulders. Ultimately , we have to want to help ourselves and more important, love ourselves to benefit most.. Because , it really starts there. Bottom line is we need not to be so hard on ourselves, and focus more on positives. Life is hard, it's a big bad world out there... Thanks for your your good words... Great read!
Very important steps. I think the first step is the most important because feeling pity for yourself really is the worst thing you can do and that stops you from moving forward.
I could never understand how people blame other people because we all have a choice in making our own decisions and living our lives. No one can make you happy if you are unhappy inside and if you are happy inside, no one can make you unhappy.
And the last step is also crucial since we have to look forward and not backward to our past and let it go and forgive whoever you need to forgive because unforgiveness, anger and hate only destroys you and it stops you from living your life and it doesn't do anything, because by being angry at someone doesn't change anything but it only creates misery in your life.
It's Stockholm syndrome at its finest. We as people are addicted to endorphines and there's many unlikely ways that we discover usually by accident that meet this need in us. It true that forgiveness is not just about you forgiving others but yourself as well. Thank you aggroed for this post.
The mentality of a man has a lot of effect on his success/breakthrough. In order to break from the victim mentality I think the above listed points are the best way to achieve that. You have to create self-awareness, take responsibilities/opportunities and let's go off the bad side of you.
One of the reasons one feels victimized is his approach to how things are supposed to be. Sometimes, the standards are higher than normal. In this case practicing acceptance of what is alleviates the feeling of victimism, leaving a room for more options to come to to break free from victim state.
Thanks @aggroed.
Well said✌👐✋😇
Nice post im really inspired by your writings
É Verdade! Devemos deixar ir todo o passado! Louse Hay sempre falava sobre a importancia de se libertar do passado!
Great post. To the point and real.
I feel there is an inner us inside within that speaks into our ears, when we are busy blaming others for our misfortune or carried away by unnecessary things we can hardly hear that voice. That voice is peace, once we do not pay much attention it goes away and we still remain in a shadow of ourself.
I am resteeming this!
This is so on point. It's much easier to engage in a victim mentality and play the blame game than take responsibility and handle it. We gain a short-term satisfaction from doing so but in the long-term, it transforms into uncertainty and hopelessness as you mentioned at the beginning. Victim mentality means that we are putting our lives and future into someone else's hands. I appreciate you sharing this post because I think many people feel likes victims as I felt also in the past so I know how damaging it can be. Understanding that we are responsible for our choices and also people we keep in our lives is the key. If someone is hurting us, why are we still around? It is our choice, therefore our responsibility
In addition to this it is also important we forgive ourself for past mistakes while forgiving others.