Thank you for posting this! And ty for seeing the truth about your brother. I have a brother, and he molested me when I was around 4-5 and he was 13-14. I didn't remember it until I was an adult, and there's suspicion it happened more than once, but that it's too painful for me to remember. First I made excuses for him. 'Oh he was just a kid too", but counselors have told me he was ok enough to know better. When I list a bf who couldn't handle what happened to me, I got angry, and then cut him and one of my sister's, who sided with him, off in 2013. I have opened the lines of communication with the sister, she's close to our brother, but will never have anything to do with my brother. He's just not healthy for me to be around. The thing about sex abuse, is it's really the victim who pays, and keeps having to pay for the rest of their lives because if how much it messes you up. Part of the problem is other women who sell victims out. We need to stand strong and United if things are really going to change.
Oh my gosh. hugs
I'm so sorry you were forced to live through that. Do other family members at least acknowledge that what he did was wrong?
My one sister I'm close with does. My mother did when she was alive and blamed herself but I made it clear it wasn't her fault. My dad knew but he and I never spoke if it. There was alot of say circumstantial evidence going on around that time, like he propositioned my other sister if she wanted to experiment cause a friend if his was doing that with their sister. Many years ago, he also told me his belief that he thinks it's ok for 2 consenting adults, regardless if they're biologically related, to have sexual relations as long as they took precautions not to get pregnant. Extended family like cousins don't know I don't think as I know he still speaks with them. He's very successful. Had a very successful military career: went to west point so for many that outshadows what he did. The biggest thing now is my niece, my other sister's daughter, is a psychologist, has a history evaluating sex offenders, but takes his side. She was close to me majority of her life, but he's her godfather. There's more factors involved, however I've disengaged from various family members, as she has disengaged with me. At this point I dunno that that will change where my niece is concerned. My sister that I am very close to, I am thankful every day for her and I know she hasn't cut off our brother. I don't know that she could. I have explained in the past how it has hurt that she still has a relationship with him, but I've detached from that as well. At the end of the day, it's them that have to live with their conscious not me. It took me a long time to get where I am where he's concerned, and I refuse to loose that by "pretending" or caving and saying I was wrong just to make everyone else feel better. It's not healthy for me to associate with him in any way. (And I know you're not advocating any of this just saying where my family's concerned). Ironically, I think it would be different if he wasn't so successful and had so much money. I think ppl have a hard time reconciling that with the stigma of a pedophile. Whereas if I wasn't poor and instead successful with money, they might react to me differently. It really is fucked up. A fucked up family